Title: Gagglewhack

Soundcloud Time: 1:33:50
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: November 6, 2012
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
He’s been selected to present this by a blindfolded boy picking a ball out of a bowl.

Cool Kids
N/A

Guest Best Known
As the presenter of The Top of the Form Story.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Andy claimed that he walked out in disgust
Beth DG’s wife. When asked by DG, reiterated refusal to allow him to smell her urine.
Unnamed asked DG: Would you have done Are You Dave Gorman? if there had been Facebook already?
Unnamed asked DG: Have you ever used a 3-day-old Yorkshire pudding as a substitute for prawn crackers?

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No. It was unlikely.

Have any of your siblings ever seen a ghost?

If they have they kept it to themselves, which seems unlikely. I think most people who were convinced they’d seen a ghost would tell other people about it. But we have a strange way of communicating – we’re not the most communicative family. […] I have seen a ghost’s sibling. Which is to say that I’ve seen a person whose sibling is dead.

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

Can we clarify whether you mean a sasquatch or just an unusually big foot? Because we’ve been to the circus and we’ve seen those shoes on the clown. I have seen a yeti, not a bigfoot. It’s not worth talking about, to be honest.

Have you ever come up with a terrorist atrocity?

I’ve never once thought, how would I kill an awful lot of people? That has literally never crossed my mind until now. And it’s going to haunt me. I think maybe doing it as a novelty act on Britain’s Got Talent. Just because, at least then, you’re taking some of the right people with you. And you’re guaranteed it’s being filmed so you’re guaranteed all the publicity so that’s obviously a large part of what they want. That would do it for me. Maybe like a Gallagher tribute act. You know Gallagher, who’s an American comic whose main thing was smashing melons with mallets. And that was it basically, that was the act. I think maybe a Gallagher tribute act where the fourth melon contains some high explosives and takes out Amanda Holden.

If you could have a hand made of ham or an armpit that dispensed sun cream, which would you prefer?

I don’t eat meat. I don’t do that for moral reasons, I just don’t really like meat. However, even if you didn’t eat meat for moral reasons, a hand that grew back would not confront any of those moral issues and would be able to feed some people that were hungry. But then you’d have to be there. And they would literally be biting the hand that feeds them, wouldn’t they? It would be odd and inconvenient, although you could just chop off the hand and leave it, knowing that in a week or two you’ve got the new hand. But in the meantime you’re inconvenienced.

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

I’m glad this didn’t have “And your siblings”. No I haven’t. So certain that it wouldn’t reach. It’s never looked like fun.

If you had to have sex with an animal – if you had to – what animal would you have sex with, if you had to?

A shrek.

What is your favourite cheese?

I’m late to cheese. I used to be very bland and it was just mild cheddar that was in my fridge and I was not very adventurous with cheese. But as I’ve gotten a bit older I’ve got more of a taste for it. I don’t know the names of all of them so I have to be bland in a way and say that I really do like a good wheel of brie.

If Frankie Boyle is the Mick Jagger of comedy, the outspoken voice of the disenfranchised youth, dehumanized by the press and feared by parents nation-wide, then Dave Gorman is Ringo Starr. He’s an everyman. He’s well known and provides entertainment in a variety of guises, but he still gives the impression he’d be incredibly polite if he ever met your mother. Discuss.

I got slightly obsessed with Ringo at one point. His website is amazing. It was like a man who had just discovered how to use the Internet for the first time.

Notes

RH notes that putting a Shrek in it has jumped the Shrek.

“Have you ever seen a ghost?” amended to “Have you ever seen a ghost since August last year?”, because RH had previously asked DG this during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival podcast.

“Have you ever seen a bigfoot?” amended to “Have you or any of your siblings ever seen a bigfoot?”

RH clarifies that, for the bigfoot question, he does mean a sasquatch and he would not accept a yeti.

DG calls the comedy Googlewhack a gagglewhack.

Asparagus urine/receptors discussed.

DG’s wife will not allow him to smell her urine to check for the asparagus smell.