Title: A Foreskin full of Haribo

Soundcloud Time: 1:48:11
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: December 4, 2012
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
What? She’s pregnant? God, I knew I should have used a condom.

Cool Kids
N/A

Guest Best Known
As the second funniest person in the Radio 4 panel show Banter. He’s the second funniest person from the west country with the initials RH.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: Like

Member Member Note
Unnamed when Russell asks whether there was a female equivalent to the Willy Brush, she yelled “Douche,” prompting Richard to ask whether that was an answer or a heckle
Unnamed Russell remarks on her “great, filthy laugh”
Unnamed inaudible man
RH believes he’s trying to be part of the podcast
Unnamed lady who has fallen asleep
Ryan May said RH’s fan-base were pedophiles
Unnamed tells RH that his audience “really fucking love you”. Asks Russell: Do you miss having to deal with a hostile crowd?
Unnamed asked Russell: Did you parents ever give you the talk? You seem pretty chill.
Canadian
claims that while in the car her father told her not to sleep with black guys because their dicks were too big
Chinese heritage
has been in England for about two months

Emergency Questions

If you could have a hand made of ham or an armpit that dispensed sun cream, which would you prefer?

If it got hot would my fingernails turn into Frazzles? Because that would be great, just licking them. *Addressing sun cream armpit.* Just a family of five, really smug: “Guess how much we spent on sun lotion? Fuck all – the kid’s got a gift. Sure, he’s the shittest of all the X-Men, but he’s got a gift.” Absolutely the ham, without a doubt it would be terrific. It would taste nice, I like bacon. That would be lovely, nice sandwiches. And also, if you commit a horrendous crime, gnaw your hand off, run away. “Couldn’t have been me, mate, I’ve only got one hand, that guy had two”. Just sitting easy.

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

Yes, yes. I did alright. I didn’t get any inches in; I was away from it but it was sort of looming.

If you had to have sex with an animal – if you had to – what animal would you have sex with, if you had to?

I guess for the same reason if I had to fuck a man it would be Pavarotti, for the same reason it would be a walrus. Just to see what kind of range you could get out of it. Like, if you fuck Pavarotti right it would be [booming noise]. Obviously, if he was alive. I wouldn’t, you know, I wouldn’t anymore.

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

No, but I have seen a news report about a man in America that’s seen a bigfoot, and it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen because he’s this crazy bloke and he says, “I seen this creature, and he came over to me, and he chopped off my beard”. He’s a bigfoot and he’s got scissors apparently. And he put it in my mouth – the beard – and forced me to eat it. And you’re like, fucking brilliant, what kind of lunatic bigfoot would do – fuck it, I’m bored of killing chickens. I’m going to make some fat bloke eat his own beard.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Ah, no.

Have any of your siblings ever seen a ghost?

Yes they have. Because my auntie – no, she’s my cousin – they have a regular séance ’round my house and try and get rid of spirits because they believe in all that. My cousins Tracey and Sonia and Carly, they found a bloke that was walking up and down my corridor.

If Frankie Boyle is the Mick Jagger of comedy, the outspoken voice of the disenfranchised youth, dehumanized by the press and feared by parents nation-wide, then Dave Gorman is Ringo Starr. He’s an everyman. He’s well known and provides entertainment in a variety of guises, but he still gives the impression he’d be incredibly polite if he ever met your mother. Discuss.

Roy of the Rovers. He cooks a mean cheese toastie. And he’s a box-to-box mid-fielder. He fucking scores when it counts, Shrek.

Notes

RH calls this episode “probably the last one ever, if the Mayan calendar is correct”.

RH reveals that a woman (@EmmaOfEngland) listening to the podcast featuring Adam Buxton laughed so hard she went into labour.

RH told Andy McH that Kate Middleton’s unborn child was more famous than Andy would ever be.

According to Google, RH is married to Amy Pond.

Russell asks if RH’s mother really looks like Bobby Robson.

RH claims to have broken the story about Jimmy Savile being a necrophiliac.

Featuring Paul Putner as the Shrek.

Russell suggested The Human Centipede could be improved by adding a Shrek.

RH notes that he is still friends with childhood friend Phil Frye, even though they were going to leave him behind in that porn cinema.

Russell tries to ask RH whether he’s ever shot a gun, but RH thinks that Russell is trying to get him to admit to a crime he’s committed.

RH’s and Russell’s filmed road-trip to shoot guns in the desert.

RH notes that Russell gets paid for the podcast. Russell says that he will give it to charity.

If RH gets shot on stage, his last words will be, “Now that’s a good heckle”.

Got called for time by the Leicester Square Theatre.