Title: You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore

Soundcloud Time: 1:13:17
Youtube Time: 1:13:53

Original Record Date: February 17, 2014
Soundcloud Publication Date: February 27, 2014
Youtube Publication Date: March 16, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s never had a fifth series of anything before but he’s now his own commissioning editor.

Cool Kids
N/A

Guest Best Known
For appearing on Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast, although only on audio.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Butlers shown on RH’s hand-held camera
David Frew nuclear physicist
shown on RH’s hand-held camera
Sarah making exaggerated arm motions
RH thinks it’s a woman
shown on RH’s hand-held camera
Tom shown on RH’s hand-held camera
unmarried
RH tells him he will never marry

Emergency Questions

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*

It started to happen on Twitter. Someone tweeted me that he’d been sent off for being abusive. I wonder what he looks like though. I bet he’s great-looking. A name-sake who’s involved in a world that I know nothing or care nothing about, really.

Would you rather have a tit that dispensed talcum powder or a finger that can travel through time?

Obviously time travel, that’s a big deal, but it’s weird though it’s like a big puff ball. One of those puff ball things; have you ever seen one of those? The things that grow in nature. They’re like a weird, fungusy-type thing. They used to have them in Wales where I grew up. I’m sure – I’m not making this up. They looked like half-deflated leather footballs. And if you pounded on them this puff of spores would come out. And so that’s what I was imagining when you were talking about that. I mean that would be fun, but I don’t need talcum powder. I don’t think we ever used talcum powder too much. That would be good, that’s exciting, but obviously time travelling, that’s even more exciting. How can you see? Have you got a monitor to see what the finger is doing in time? Have you read the Philip Pullman books, The Subtle Knife and all that? So it’s like using the Subtle Knife to cut a doorway into another dimension but you can only get your finger into it. And in 1066 they would just see a finger hovering in space. They wouldn’t see your face behind it in a square. *RH suggests dialing a telephone.” Dial a phone and then do what? Just let it ring. You could lots of bad things. You could press a nuclear button, couldn’t you? You could do lots of bad things but, for example, if you wanted to stop a nuclear button from being pressed, you could push the person’s finger away. Every time that they got near: “I don’t know what’s happening, but every time I try to push the button the disembodied finger pushes my finger away from the button. Is there something that can be done about this?” Did anyone ever launch nuclear missiles in reality? No, they were always dropped from space. Or what about the bombs being dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki? I mean, you could push them into the sea. Or you could disarm them as they’re falling. Really quickly. If you practiced for weeks before. That would be exciting, come on. Practice the maneuver, that would be an exciting film. Time Finger.

Ben Evans: Will there be another TV series of Bug? It is very good.

I was really happy with it. And it was one of those situations where everything seemed to be going in the right direction. I was thinking, Jesus, I might get a second series for the – well, the second time in my life. Me and Joe did four series of our show years ago. But no, at the 11th hour – I imagine you’ve been in this position as well – but you have these conversations with broadcasters where everything seems to be going so well and they’re saying, “So listen, the next series, what about doing longer shows?” And all of this kind of stuff. They’re sort of chatting like, “We were thinking maybe you should move to London because you’re going to be so busy here” and “What are you doing for the next two years?” And all this kind of talk; you know what I mean? And then the phone goes quiet for a week. And then the next thing you here is, “Ah nah. No, we decided not to do that.” On Sky Atlantic they kind of re-branded. It was one of those re-branding situations. They were producing original, UK entertainment shows, which ours was one; it wasn’t really a straight-ahead comedy show. And they just decided not to do any more of those. They were just going to do, like, original narrative comedy. So, if a rich broadcaster is listening, if you ask nicely we might do it for you. Solid gold show.

Ben Evans: What was being in The IT Crowd like?

It was like being frightened because you think that the girl that you slept with is a ghost. That’s what it was like. And we tried to recreate that as close as possible so that it was as much like that as could possibly be filmed by cameras. It was good fun and my audition for that was just to scream. Graham said – Graham Linehan, that is, said, “I just want you to scream as hysterically and pathetically as you can.” And he said that I surprised him by how convincingly I managed to do, like, hysteria. So yeah, it was good fun. And I had a beard anyway and I shaved it into quite a repulsive little goatee thing. But then I shaved it off and I had to go back and do the bits and I completely forgot about that and so they glued this ridiculous fake one. So if you ever see that you’ll see that the bits in the restaurant when I’m with Jen, I have a very odd moustache.

Notes

This is AB’s second appearance.

New intro credits by Crowmotion.

RH wearing “Put a Shrek in It” t-shirt.

RH mugs also available.

AB has to leave at a very precise time to catch a train; Adam’s bike shown on RH’s hand-held camera.

AB is the first returning guest.

RH blames discomfort in Stephen Merchant interview on Ben Evans’s question about the Barkley’s commercial.

AB’s son Frankie calls part-way through.