Title: Celebrity Ghost Train

Soundcloud Time 1:08:13
Youtube Time: 1:08:30

Original Record Date: October 13, 2014
Soundcloud Publication Date: November 6, 2014
Youtube Publication Date: November 5, 2014

Please Welcome a Man
Who yesterday ran 13.1 miles and is slightly stiff.

Cool Kids

Guest Best Known
As Tommy from The Indian in [the] Cupboard. You’ll remember him from the funny impressions he did in the WHSmith’s advert in about 1990.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Would you rather date a man who was a 6-foot tall penis with a face like Mark Reckless or a man who instead of having a penis had a tiny man growing out of there?

Yeah, but he’s an actual penis? See what that means he’s not got any personal details; he’s just a penis. Has the penis got a penis? All I could do is just rub him up and down. No, I couldn’t do it. The other one is more interesting to me. A small man, effectively, can function as a penis. When you say full sex, would I have to penetrate myself with the man? Or could I just rub the man up and down? Obviously a conversation would have to ensure about what was acceptable to both of them. Because I wouldn’t want to force myself on either of them. It’s got to be consensual.

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

It’s funny, I’ve got two dogs and they clearly can – their own, not mine – you were going to jump on that, weren’t you? [The Daily Mail] will say, “Coogan has dog suck his cock” in inverted commas, like, just a quote. Um, no, I don’t, by the way. Hardly ever. It’s not having to make something up at A&E. “I fell on my dog’s mouth.” I think the idea occurs to you when you’re younger; that that might be, you know, worthwhile. But it’s just not possible. Have I tried? I probably did bend over once when I was 14 and think, This is not going to happen. There’s that old Mike Harding joke, isn’t there? I’m deliberately stealing his material here. He was at his girlfriend’s house and the dog was licking his own balls and he said – he was a bit embarrassed because he was with his girlfriend and they were all staring at the dog licking its own balls – and he tried to break the ice by saying, “Oh, wish I could do that.” And his mother’s girlfriend said, “Give him a choccy bickie and he might let you.”

Where do you get your crazy ideas from?

From inside my head. No, from… someone says just say from some woman who lives in Southport. Do you really want to know the answer to that question?

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

No, no I haven’t. I don’t believe in that. There was an episode of the 6 Million Dollar Man that had bigfoot. Do you remember that? I think it was in two parts.

Who would you have sex with if you had a time-travelling penis?

But I can feel the sensations that happen to the penis? Anything I wanted to? But how would [consent] be arranged? Would I write something on the penis saying, “Can I have sex with you?” And if she tapped it twice. I would be a she, by the way, because I’m not gay. Nothing wrong with being gay. If I’ve got choice I’d probably have sex with someone like Brigitte Bardot in 1955.


RH beat his marathon record from last year.

RH advised that Me 2 ran the race.

Something dripping on SC during recording.

Cock-sucking emergency question received a resounding cheer from the audience.