Title: I Think You’ll Find It’s More Complicated That That
Original Record Date: November 17, 2014
Soundcloud Publication Date: January 28, 2015
Youtube Publication Date: January 28, 2015
Please Welcome a Man
Who secretly has a Christmas cake hidden on the set.
Guest Best Known
Christmas cake’s Ben Goldacre.
Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note Ian shown on RH’s hand-held camera in the front row works at Tesco
Would you rather date a man who was a 6-foot tall penis with a face like Mark Reckless or a man who instead of having a penis had a tiny man growing out of there?
A tiny man where his penis is? And does that man have himself a tiny man penis? It’s like a cock fractal? With sort of techno soundtrack and it’s all in neon and you zoom in. I think it would have to be the giant cock. Only because I’m sort of, um, deeply, deeply physically repulsed by the prospect of having sex with a man and that doesn’t make me homophobic because I’m very happy that other people… I think the mistake that homophobes make is in thinking that that be logically extended to – it is wrong. I don’t like Japanese food but I’d be happy for you to eat it in my bed and breakfast and I could bring you cutlery and a plate and everything. So I know nothing about your world but I’m not going to judge you, you know. It’s just not for me. Yeah, because that would be less like having sex with a man. Definitely Johnny Cockman because he doesn’t have a – hang on, how does sex work then? So I think still the giant 6-foot cock is definitely a better deal, again, just because I don’t want, like, to be – I don’t want to have that sort of a sexy cuddle with a man. So this wouldn’t be anything like that. I’d just be rubbing a mass of glands; that doesn’t feel gay to me. That’s not gay. Like, I don’t object to being perceived as gay.
What celebrity would you like to be stroking your head as you die?
God, I don’t know. I don’t want to think about death. I’m really – I’ve got a real problem with death. I’m really not into it, but to a ridiculous extent. *RH asks if BG would prefer not to die.* Well yes, if it all possible. But there’s a lot of discussion in the statins literature about what’s a reasonable benefit that a patient could expect to get from statins for it to be worth taking a pill everyday and risking sort of moderate side-effects. And for me it’s like, an hour. If I could live for another hour. Anything, I’d do almost anything to live for another hour. Horribly demented, in pain, having a really terrible time. Yeah, well I’m fearful of being left out. Yeah, but you just know before it happens that it’s all going to carry on without you and that is really, you know… I think maybe… maybe Timothy Claypole from Rentaghost. There’d be something quite warm and comforting. We’re not going to have magical bumming time, we’re just going to… He was the first person that I thought was really cool.
Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?
I’ve got a friend who can and he doesn’t give it very good reviews. So, he specifically says that that sort of sense of, like, “Oh, not again” sort of disappointment when you’ve masturbated sometimes combined with the fact that you have a mouthful of your own sperm. But then also, if you think of the anatomy of it, it’s not going to be like a sort of cozy expression of affection on a sofa. It’s a fight, basically. And the best you can do – he did quite well – but the best almost anyone can do is you’re just sort of scraping your front teeth against the frenulum, or the banjo string, as it is known in the medical anatomy textbooks. That’s not great.
Very few audience members in the front row.
RH gifts BG with a Christmas cake.
BG asks RH: “Is this the bit where you ask if I’ve ever sucked your cock?”