Title: Hitler meets Stalin

Soundcloud Time: 1:03:04
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: May 27, 2014
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who has been farting all the way in his car driving here for the last six hours and there is a smell in his car.

Cool Kids
N/A

Guest Best Known
As Greg Collitt in Tits.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed laughed and shook head while RH talked about Goldie the dog potentially being dead
does not like dogs
Unnamed mathematician
married, or with a married woman
RH asked him what the derivative of “x” was

Emergency Questions

If your moustache could travel through time, where would you send it?

Well, given what we talked about earlier on, I’d make sure that it landed directly on Hitler’s face so that first sniper had an easier target. If you were standing sideways you might get away with [getting shot in the moustache]. A groove, just a terrible horizontal scar. You’d have explain at parties and go, “Yeah, I know the central part of my moustache is missing. Bit tired of talking about it and it’s actually distressing.”

What is your favourite towel?

We have a roaming towel system at home. Because it’s my wife and we have to tiny knippers. Everyone is very messy so it’s just of wet towels all over, everywhere, that people use. Whichever one trips you up first is the one that you use.

What celebrity would you like to be stroking your head as you die?

Do they have to be living? Could they be reanimated? Walter Matthau – I don’t know why – springs to mind. But he is dead, so I would get him to wear velvet gloves to cover up his skeletal hands.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No. Although when I was a small child there was a wardrobe in my room that was set such and the light would hit it such that it looked like there was a terrible kind of sort of ghoul with a sort of proboscis on its face. And it literally every single night. I don’t know. I’m sort of one below Pavlov’s Dog, really, because I couldn’t learn it was a wardrobe, it couldn’t harm me. And for literally three years it just scared the crap out of me.

What is it like being *guest*?

I mean, it’s alright. It’s not without its problems. I mean, I had a long drive here. I had some pant issues. Just the right-side of the pant riding up. So that was a problem and I expect it’s because I still can’t put my pants on properly. So it’s not great from that regard, but I’m stoical. So that’s the plus side. I’m stoical about my own failings.

Has the moon ever spoken to you?

Not directly, no. No, but it has left voicemail.

What age were you breastfed until?

I can’t remember being breastfed so, I mean, my earliest memory is four, so before four. Hopefully a long time before four.

If you could have a hand made of ham or an armpit that dispensed sun cream, which would you prefer?

I’m on the road a lot, so the ham. I’m not so worried about getting a sandwich out of a motorway, change lanes, that sort of thing. If I could just have a nibble of my index ham, yeah done. Is there a possibility of an armpit with a mustard dispenser? It would be quite tricky to aim.

Notes

In an earlier interview that day with Arthur Smith, Smith suggested that RH ask guests about their towel system.

Audio only.