Title: N/A

Soundcloud Time: 1:46:19
Youtube Time: 1:46:19

Original Record Date: July 20, 2015
Soundcloud Publication Date: September 23, 2015
Youtube Publication Date: September 23, 2015

Please Welcome a Man
Who doesn’t know what letter Luton Town begins and ends with.

Cool Kids
In Shoreditch.

Guest Best Known
As the man who was visited by the urban men on the 1990’s TV show Fist of Fun.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Matilda shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
wearing an “I Paid a Pound” badge
is given a copy of Talking Cock for being the least nerdy man that’s ever sat in that row
architect
Unnamed shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
pointed out as a composite of all other RH fans
Dean shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
sitting with Matilda, who is his girlfriend’s sister
girlfriend’s name is Freya
Freya didn’t want to come
psychiatrist
in professional opinion, RH is “muddling through”
David Frew nuclear physicist
is married
claims he would not feel guilty over a Goodnight Sweetheart-style affair

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

I’ve seen that photo of a bloke in a bigfoot suit that everyone says is proof of a bigfoot. Like this, isn’t it? *Mimes fake bigfoot’s posture.* “Did you get that? Steve! Did you get that picture? It’s hot in this goddamn suit! Are the feet big enough? The feet aren’t big enough!”

Have you ever come up with a terrorist atrocity?

Well, we could get quite serious about this, couldn’t we? Well no because… I actually don’t know if I can talk about this. Well actually, I don’t know if I can. But shopping centres make me very nervous. And last time I took my kids to Westfield – my kids go to Westfield all the time – but the lat time I went to Westphal I just got into this, what if you know, the thing in Kenya happens. Because I’m amazed it hasn’t happened yet. I’m just amazed. And the thing they rehearsed the other day at the tube station, I was just, you know. And apparently it’s harder to buy automatic weapons […] And I’m just thinking, When’s that going to happen? So the last time I went with my kids I figured out how I would get out of that situation. What I’d do, where do we go, how do we deal with it. And then, then I said to my girlfriend – it was all I could think about when we were there. And, you know, my eldest is just about to turn 16, my youngest is 12. They’re very confident London kids, you know. And certainly know their way around Westfield Shopping Centre. But then the thought of, you know, the thought of gunfire happening at one end of the shopping centre and it all kicking off. Um, so yeah I’m not planning anything. I’m planning how to get away should it occur.

Do you have any feelings about how cutlery should be placed in the dishwasher?

Knives down. Forks up. *RH indicates correct method is everything down.* No way. You do spoons down? You’re a complete idiot. I tolerate some of your more hair-brained political schemes to save this country… *RH says that hands are too dirty to pick up cutlery tops.* Wash your hands before you empty the dishwasher. [It’s] your own sweat. Have you got ebola? You’re going to give yourself ebola via emptying the dishwasher? Have you thought it through?

Notes

Kickstarter: Matt Lock said, “Don’t worry. I just want to give him money as I love listening to RHLSTP.”

Kickstarter: Barry Price asks AM, “Baked beans on a fry-up? Yes or no?”

RH addresses audience members listening in the distant future.

RH claims the title of this episode will be “What use is it being a time lord if you can’t save Vincent van Gogh?”

RH wonders “when will the spell will be broken and [the audience] say it’s just a man asking the same five questions for a long time – it’s much too long”.

RH makes Stockhausen joke.