Title: tonylawexhausts.co.uk

Soundcloud Time: 1:17:30
Youtube Time: 1:17:18

Original Record Date: June 6, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: June 22, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: June 22, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who if he developed time travel abilities would only use them to for morally impeccable reasons.

Cool Kids
I was down at Laser Quest. Pew! Pew!

Guest Best Known
For his weekly appearance on the quiz show Does Doug Know? With the woman off The 11 O’Clock Show.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
James shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
RH suggests that he looks like someone at Laser Quest
wearing a hat and shorts
called Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast “RHLSTP,” but pronounces it oddly
writer of articles on the Internet
best article written was on Internet safety
on subject of Internet safety, RH advised to keep away from Andy McH
David Frew shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
sitting next to James
RH suggests that he does not look like someone at Laser Quest
Andy McH shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row

Emergency Questions

MarshallJonesJr.com: Have you ever tried sushi?

Interestingly enough, I was, um… I was on the deck of one of those treasure ships with [unclear]. He had no testicles. And I think that’s why the emperor trusted him. Interestingly, you won’t find a lot of teak in China to this day, from all the cutting down all the team; very strong wood. That’s how they could build such large treasure ships. Anyways, long story, we stopped in Japan on the way out. We were heading over to India and down and that’s where I first had sushi. I don’t like it. I always have the katsu curry. I’m a katsu curry guy. It’s like having a burger at… another type of restaurant. I don’t pay attention while I’m eating out. I’m more like fuel; get ‘er in.

If you could have a law named after you, what would it be?

The only law would be “don’t bully,” but that might be a law. *RH points out that TL had just made fun of RH for being fat.* Breaking the law. Yeah, no, no, those laws are, to me “don’t be a dick” is what I say to myself every other day.

Would you rather date a woman who was a 6-foot tall vulva, or a woman who instead of having a vagina had another tiny woman in her place?

Well, there’s a Richard Herring question. If some else asked a question – anything like that – you’d just be like, “Well, he stole that from Herring. That’s his market. That’s his weird, right up to the edge of being sexist, but he seems nice.” It’s your cheeky and interesting mind. So a woman is a penis? *RH further describes 6-foot vulva woman.* Well, go out with her for sure because you could dress up, you could play hide-and-seek, hide in there. Warm and a wonderful place, you know? *Sticks head forward, as though peeping out.* “Hi, guys!” And that fits perfectly.

Do you ever worry that you have already lived your life and are now in a care home with Alzheimer’s disease and what you perceive as reality is just a distorted memory of the first time this happened?

And you wrote that already? This isn’t based on what’s happening? That’s written down? Wow, you are clever. No, I don’t worry about that.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No. I’ve travelled through time and I’ve never seen a goddamn, stupid ghost. Jesus Christ.

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

Um, yeah. I’ve seen what people think is a bigfoot, which is a black bear far away. That’s what – and they get up on their hind feet to grab stuff out of the trees sometimes because they’re great – they love standing up and looking. I have fond memories of driving into Banff National Park in the spring and there’d be a queue of people getting in, they’d be coming down the hills and, you know, out of hibernation, super hungry. And they knew dumb tourists would just hand them stuff. And they love the heat of the engine of your car and they would just lie on some people’s car. They couldn’t move ’cause of the bear. And then you’d see some of the worst parenting ever where someone would put honey on their child’s hand while the bear’s licking it. ‘Cause they’re not super huge; they look like a massive dog and they’re like “Ah!” taking a picture. I remember being with my buddies – we were all 16, like *mimes smoking*, “Oh man, how’s this going to pan out? That bear’s going to eat his hand, man! Whoa! Don’t honk the horn!” And then there’s a long conversation about the ethics of, like, should we – “If we don’t honk the horn and he bites him, then we are partly responsible for that child losing his arm.” “Well, what if we honk the horn and that instigates the bite!” *Leans back.* “Let’s just let it unfold.” That was a fun memory.

Notes

When recording audience members, RH now uses an iPad rather than a handheld camcorder.

Listener Daniel Palmer contacted RH regarding “last week’s” podcast to advise that the book about William Herschel RH had been thinking of was called Age of Wonder.

TL wearing gloves for riding his motorcycle named Gypsy.

TL describes himself as “newly fat” and has trouble sitting comfortably in the chair.

RH states that the emergency questions may be too straight for this interview.

RH’s law is if you go to the gym, whichever locked you choose, when you come back to it someone will be using the locker right next to the one you’re using.

DVD available of RH interviewing himself.

Desert Island Dicks: Richard Burton, Richard the Lionheart, Maurice Richard, Richie Rich, Rick Law (TL’s cousin), Richard Linklater, Richard Dawkins