Title: How Many Hours Do Women Need?

Soundcloud Time: 1:14:38
Youtube Time: 1:14:21

Original Record Date: June 13, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: June 29, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: June 29, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who yesterday was at a baby disco. It’s alright, he’s got a baby, it’s allowed.

Cool Kids
At a breakdancing competition on Saturday. Down in the National Theatre and those places down there.

Guest Best Known
As the Narrator of 99 Ways to Lose Your Virginity.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: Unlike

Member Member Note
Unnamed left part-way during the episode
RH is shown trying to record him leaving on his iPad, but footage is not shown
RH suggests that he is leaving in order to go think about children’s television programme character Robert the Robot

Emergency Questions

BuzzKenya.com: Is there anything purple within ten feet of you?

Yes, but I can’t see it, is the obvious answer to that.

BuzzNigeria.com: Which are your two favourite careers and why?

Just generally? Okay, my two favourite careers… Number one, I’m going to say paramedic. You know, because what a great contribution they all make to our quality of life and the lengthening of lives. And number two I’m going to say teacher. Is that a thing? Because teachers are… Teachers are the underrated heroes and superstars and all that stuff.

Ali’s Randomage: Have you ever flown a kite?

Yes! Yeah, many times. Pretty well. You know, growing up in a, in a seaside town obviously a kite is a classic kind of British beach thing, isn’t it? But I most recently flew one in Cornwall last year. And it went – it was really good. The kids were very impressed. I very rarely do things that impress me kids, but that was one of them so I was really kind of milking it.

MarshallJonesJr.com: Have you ever tried sushi?

Well sure, the answer’s yes. I enjoy sushi from time to time. Well, I’m a vegetarian so it tends to be quite boring. Just the basic California roll. None of the fancy schmancy stuff. *Speaking about the question.* That is someone who’s never spoken out loud to another human being. I mean God love him, whoever he is.

What do you consider to be the most mediocre chocolate bar?

That’s a good one. That’s a really good one. I’ll tell you what it is, I think it’s the Ripple. What’s the point? What is the fucking point of a Ripple? It’s just like, it’s not quite a flake, it hasn’t got anything interesting in it. It’s just – all it’s got is more of the same but in ripple form. But it’s not actually flaky. Just like, why bother? There’s no biscuit in there, there’s no caramel, are you joking? I mean it’s like, it’s got – it’s got air in it but it’s not enough of a feature to call it an Aero. Pathetic, get out.

Do you think if you have sex with a robot that should count as cheating on your partner?

*RH describes argument between himself and CW.* Her take, I’m guessing, was no; yours was yes? Broadly. *RH says that the evening prior Victoria Coren Mitchell had said it was alright because it wasn’t a real person.* Yeah, I mean, I think it doesn’t count as cheating. It probably implies that there are some problems in your relationship that you might want to address but, you know, it’s not the same as having sex with a human being.

Should penis transplants be allowed?

Yes. Yeah sure. Why not? *RH describes penis theft scenario.* But then this opens up a further philosophical question, which is probably the reason why most rich men certainly make their own money and are motivated to get rich in the first place. Will the billionaires and the people who show their wealth off, will they ever get to that point? Will it just be like, “Now I can afford the penis transplant. That’s what this was all about.” No need for mansions and sports cars for me, I have a massive dick.”

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes. I was – I don’t remember it, but – hey, hey, yeah? Here us out. I was two years old, living in a terrace house on Danville Road, which is quite far from the Barnes – it was before we moved there, Richard, so […] And apparently the house of our next-door neighbour had been exorcised. There had been an exorcism. She had a spirit and she had a priest ’round. And he did an exorcism and apparently, according to me mum, I sat up in bed that night and my little bedroom door was opposite their little bedroom door. And I sat up and went, “Who’s that man?” “And me mum just went, “Lie down,” and went to sleep really, really terrified. I have no memory of it and I also don’t believe in ghosts, but apparently that happened. Me mum wouldn’t make it up, she never tells a lie.

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

Never seen a bigfoot, no.

HelloGiggles.com: If you had the option of adopting a baby fox or a baby koala, which one would you choose?

I’ve got baby foxes in my garden and they are adorable. But I would go probably koala because you’d be more popular, wouldn’t you? If you had a koala. I think foxes would be lovely for a while […] Baby foxes in the house – I’ve got two sons, so it’s already like being at a stag do all the time, two little boys. So I think foxes might get a bit of a handful. But koalas are pretty chill. They’re kind of one of the stoner breeds of animal, aren’t they? * RH mentions that eucalyptus makes them sleepy.* I can get some of them, that’s not a problem. We’ll be able to source eucalyptus leaves.


RH relates Julia Sawalha’s near-death experiences, one of which involved a kite.

Game of Thrones spoiler.

RH states that after his death he would like this episode’s penis transplant conversation played publicly in memorium.