Title: (Never Mind) (The) (Buzzcocks)

Soundcloud Time: 1:18:09
Youtube Time: 1:19:14

Original Record Date: November 1, 2015
Soundcloud Publication Date: December 16, 2015
Youtube Publication Date: December 17, 2015

Please Welcome a Man
Who this weekend was an answer on Pointless. Yeah, that’s right.

Cool Kids
I was at a cool place.

Guest Best Known
As Tommo Thompson from Mike Bassett: England Manager.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Worse
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
two attractive women that RH had to film to prove that the stereotype of an RHLSTP fan had been broken
Unnamed shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
PJ chides for looking like he was falling asleep
RH suggests that he’s waiting for Jack Whitehall

Emergency Questions

Have you committed any crimes you have not previously admitted to?

It’s all about your own parameters, isn’t it?

Kickstarter: Tim Turner says, “Richard Dawkins claims to have seen dogs doing a 69. What’s the worst lie you have told to impress people?”

I went to Kenton Park to the evening races one evening and I had a bet on a horse and I was down; I went down to the barrier just watching the end. And I’m at the barrier at Kenton Parck race course and it’s an evening […]; everyone’s fairly pissed and a woman comes up to me and goes *with drunken demeanor*, “It’s you, isn’t it? It’s you, isn’t it? It’s you, isn’t it?” And I kind of do – and people – and I go, “Mmm, alright.” Because I don’t know who they think I am. And I go “Hmm.” Like that. And she goes, “Monkey. Monkey.” And I go… Then I just went *in high husky voice*, “You got me, Love.” A woman somewhere thinks she’s met Johnny Vegas at the races. I signed the autograph Johnny Vegas. “Lovely. Good to see you, Love. Going for a drink.”

Have you ever put your genitals in the mouth of a dead animal?

Well, I’ve been out with some people in my time, Richard, and I would describe them a number of ways. Metaphorically, yes. I haven’t, no. Why haven’t we been asked to do that? Have you? *RH states that he does not believe the Piggate rumours to be true.* That is coming to be the, sort of the general tenor. I mean, the weird, kind of ritualistic side of what posh people do, fuck that. You know, the burning of fifty pound notes in Indian restaurants are wrecking Indian restaurants is much worse than putting your cock in a fucking pig’s mouth, for the love of God. Now, if you put your cock in a calf’s mouth… Obviously no one here has ever fed a calf. They have got quite the grip.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No.

Have you ever seen a bigfoot?

No, I saw the Beast of Bodmin. Definitely saw the big, black… *RH counters that this was not the question.* Oh, Richard! Richard! It’s a giant cat in Devon! It was miles away and it was by a Volvo and it was a puma; I saw a puma in Devon! But I was the only one that saw it. I saw an adder once but it was a normal-sized adder. It came up next to me. Fucking – I don’t run often, but I ran then. I’ve not seen a bigfoot, but I’ve seen the Beast of Bodmin. That’s a puma in Devon, fucko, so enjoy. I’ve not even seen Harry and the Hendersons.

Would you rather have a tit that dispensed talcum powder or a finger that can travel through time?

Right, hang on – a tit? A breast that dispenses… My tit, talc. Here’s a contentious view: Isn’t talc carcinogenic? The room’s gone really fucking quiet now. The fragrant-smelling, clean, and dry room. “What‽” *RH introduces cancer finger (see Notes).* The thing is, I was thinking the other day about – I think that the murder rate in the UK would be higher than America if guns were legal. In terms of a per capita ranking of murders. I think we’re more strung up than the Yanks. And I think there’s that weird sort of entitlement. You see it on the roads. I was coming down the A-13 to the gig today. The tail-gating in fog on the A-13 and the hate in the cars and the faces. Imagine them with guns. It would be like Dodge City, this whole island. It would be fucking insane. I’d have bought a gun by now. I’m fucking so glad I don’t live over there. Ugggh, the rage. That’s why I can’t do political comedy because I get so angry. And murder-y. I can’t because I get genuinely fucking cross. Start eff-in’ and jeff-in’ needlessly. […] The reason I mention the guns thing… *RH notes the finger could cure cancer as well.* I’ll have that. *RH notes that every other time finger is used it has to give cancer.* *PJ makes poking motions.* Got it, not got it. Got it, not got it. Got it, not got it. Ah! Got it. Oooooh; chase me!

Notes

RH debuts the tampon tax joke.

This is the second time RH had been an answer on Pointless.

PJ accidentally calls RH “Stewart”.

While asking the talcum tit, time-travelling finger question, RH imagines a finger that can dispense cancer and changed the question for this occasion.