Title: Away or Towards?

Soundcloud Time: 1:22:39
Youtube Time: 1:22:28

Original Record Date: June 20, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: July 20, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: July 20, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who is the lifetime president of the Shipwreck Museum in Charlestown.

Cool Kids
I was down at the Rubik’s cube championship. The kid who could do it the quickest; he did it in, like, two seconds.

Guest Best Known
As Dog 2 in Dr. Doolittle 2.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Darren shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
dislikes football
when asked whether he was a top or a bottom, said he was a side
Dave shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
sitting with Darren
if he had to have sex with one of the Muppets, he would have sex with Gonzo
in a relationship with Darren
Andy McH gave update on the Wales v. Russia football game score

Emergency Questions

Why do we have frozen peas?

Okay, sure. Well, I think the first thing to say is that’s silly; there’s plenty of frozen vegetables. A cursory look in your frozen food section will tell you. *RH suggests that no one buys them.* Um, well of course they buy them because they wouldn’t continue to… Okay, so following this logic that… Okay, do you think that they repackage them as the packaging becomes modern. Because frozen food has been around since – I don’t know why I know this, but a man named Birdseye, in the States, started, patented the process of frozen vegetables, and that was in the late thirties, so obviously the packaging is switched as we’ve gotten modern printing and fonts and all colours and the way to market things are different, so they take the same contents that have been around since the late thirties, early forties and just… scissor the bags open and put them in the new bag and go, “We’ll just let them hang out here for another ten years.” And then someone, usually an immigrant who doesn’t speak English as a first or second language comes up to purchase them, the person who is getting minimum wage is paid to go, “No, no, no, these aren’t for sale. You need to put them back.” Tell your wife, ask your wife… You ask your wife, when the last time she saw a bunch of fresh peas was. When? Where? Where are the fresh peas? And why doesn’t she get them? *RH complains that they come in a little bunch you have to eat right away, or in pods.* Well I think you have just answered your question of why there are frozen peas, so you can have them and not eat them straight-away.

When you masturbate, is the first stroke away or towards?

Uh, well you have an iPad, let’s look. I have a lot of – I mean, that’s how I make a lot of side-money. You want to – hang on, I’m going to go to PornHub. Let me just do this and then it is category: self C-list celebrity wank. Hang on, hang on. And then I’ve got to go to “C”… There’s David Cassidy… Yeah, there’s Cross. So let’s view it and… looks like away.

Would you consider sex with a ghost as cheating on your partner?

Absolutely not. I don’t – I mean, maybe you’re asking the wrong person. I think sex with anything… Like, I have sex with corpses, right? To me that’s not cheating. I have a list, you know. Do they speak English? No? Well, that’s not cheating.

Would you consider sex with a bigfoot as cheating on your partner?

Um, it doesn’t matter because it would be so, uh, it’s almost like one of those monkey paws type of situations ’cause you would live your life – You’d go crazy ’cause you’d want to tell people, “I fucked bigfoot.” But you can’t because they wouldn’t believe you. And you just look like an idiot, but you know that you fucked bigfoot so although technically it’s cheating, it’s kind of not cheating because no one will ever find out about it. They won’t believe you even if you say, you know? Oh no, definitely cheat with bigfoot.

Notes

RH took an audience poll of who would be voting to leave in the upcoming United Kingdom European Union membership referendum, and no one responded.

DC has visited the United Kingdom often over the years.

DC suggests that the female version of the masturbation stroking question would be clockwise or counterclockwise.

DC predicts that Donald Trump will not win the 2016 American president election.

RH tells story about taking magic mushrooms at Glastonbury. While high he saw the devil masturbating a bit of liver.