Title: Hitchhiking with Rose and Fred

Soundcloud Time: 1:15:36
Youtube Time: 1:16:34

Original Record Date: June 27, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: July 27, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: July 27, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who even thought it happened months ago is still really upset about the whole Euro referendum thing.

Cool Kids
Down at the old surfing beach. It’s in Cornwall.

Guest Best Known
On the Virgin Atlantic Airlines’ onboard safety video.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: Unlike

Member Member Note
Unnamed wearing a t-shirt that says “I am the god of tits and wine”
VR read this out loud and said that he thought that was him

Emergency Questions

What’s the best museum you’ve ever been to?

There’s a very good one – I don’t know if it’s still there now, but, uh, in Cornwall is filled with them – the witchcraft museum. Has anyone been to the witchcraft museum? It’s amazing, isn’t it? It’s incredible. It’s obviously run by a pervert. You go in and it says, it says, “Sexy pair of stocking that were used in a ceremony.” A sexy stiletto. And then there’s photographs of the proprietor with his “witches,” naked, dancing around a fire. Somewhere near Manchester there’s a hat museum. Stockport, is it? *RH mentions the pencil museum.* I’ve got my picture – a big picture of me – in the pencil museum. […] Yeah, I’m there. *RH asked what VR had done to earned place in the pencil museum.* Just turned up and looked enthusiastic about 4HB.

Why do we have frozen peas?

Why do we have frozen peas? I’m a massive fan of frozen peas. I’m also a massive fan of fresh peas. Now, TV snacks, alright? Evening TV snacks, I have celery and hummus. Anyone else? Hans up, anyone do celery and hummus for an evening – yeah *points to audience member raising their hand*. Coronation Street with celery and hummus is my greatest pleasure. *RH mentions his own YouGov fan loving hummus.* Who likes hummus? I’ll put hummus on anything. Honestly, every day. And I’m not kidding. Hummus, celery – but anyway, peas, that’s my TV snack now. In the past it has been a bowl of fresh garden peas. And a Magnum. And I’m not kidding there either. […] You have your Magnum and you settle things down, then you have your peas. Peas after – gotta be – peas later. *RH asks whether the Magnum affects the taste of the peas.* No, you – I’m going way back in time now; TV snacks a long time ago. But anyway, no, peas. I love peas. *RH advises that VR should eat frozen peas.* They never end up as crisp as the fresh peas. No, they’re never as good. I’ve [eaten still-frozen peas]. Don’t worry, I’ve done it many a time. You can use a frozen vegetable as a lolly for a child. And it does work. Frozen broccoli to a little child is a lolly. And it works. You’ll know this. You’ll find this out in about two years’ time. Yes, it does work.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes. I think I have. When I was to be in a band in the seventies and we used to rehearse in a, in a, it was an old woodworking shop, which was ancient. That doesn’t matter. Ghosts are always ancient, but we – it was terrible – we’d rehearse it and then all of a sudden a plank would fly off this table. It was, and I’m not kidding, I don’t believe in ghosts, but this happened. It was weird. ‘Kay, it flew off and we ran outside and a big egg-shaped ball thing came out in front of our – my – very eyes. And then we went to the pub and we all saw it. And the other two – it was a trio – the other two. We were like Cream. So, I was the bass player, I’m Jack Bruce. So Ginger Baker and Eric Clapton run out and went, “You won’t fucking believe what we saw. We saw a spectre!” It emerged and flew through the air. And I was kind of cool about it, but I did see it. *RH asks VR what he thought it was.* Gas.

Ali’s Randomage: Have you ever flown a kite?

No, I haven’t.

LifeHacks.io: If you could jump into a pool of something, what would it be?

I like soft stuff, so… Can you get primula? A lot of primula going on there? I could – that’s just about the right kind of texture that I would inevitably jump into. *RH asks whether VR isn’t worried about getting stuck in it. What do you mean, would it suck me in? You know what, I don’t know. You think you’d get sucked off?

Should penis transplants be allowed?

Should what? Really? Yeah, I’d enjoy one from a baboon. I’ve heard they’re very long and slender. And actually a pig’s, it’s got the curl. I used to, when I was a youth, I went to work on a pig farm. One of my jobs was to encourage the boar. So I would have to get on the back of a sow, sit on the back and go like that *mimes bouncing motion*. If she didn’t move I would introduce the boar, whose curly penis – it was very much like a corkscrew. It was where people got the idea for the corkscrew from. Do you know baboons do, um, when they’re having sex, when they reach climax they do a very human-like sigh. I was in South Africa on a, on a game reserve and the – he’s going, “See the baboons?” He says, “When they cum it really sounds like a human.” And I heard it. And I didn’t stop laughing for an hour. It’s the funniest thing you ever heard in your life.

Have you ever been attacked by an animal?

No. Not that I’m aware of.

Have you ever been in the vicinity of a bigfoot, but not seen it?

I watch all the bigfoot shows when there’s nothing left on television. I immediately go to NatGeo or you know, one of those, looking for the bigfoot show. And I think they’re probably just big, some hillbillies. Are they not? Big, hairy hillbillies? We were, I was, um… in Los Angeles in 1992 with Bob and the Wonder Stuff. We went off to the Grand Canyon. We went up through Phoenix and we stopped for a piss stop and it was in the middle – you know they’ve got those big sprouts of, that come out, you know, like… that you get in those countries. In Arizona. You know those big things. We were right in the middle of that and we all stopped for a slash. And there was this thing that went, like, *makes low, growling noise.* I don’t know. What was it? *Repeats noise.* It went like that. But this was not a bear, because it was in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know. We called it the Grunter and we went off to Phoenix and did drawings of it in a sports bar.

If you had to go on a week’s holiday with one of the puppets from Spitting Image, which would you choose and bear in mind the puppet would choose the holiday destination?

From The Muppets? Do you know, Muppets and Spitting Image I’ve got equal amount of vehemence. I don’t like any of them. It was horrible. You know, some people say they’ve got a fear of clowns. I think I might have a fear of – I don’t believe that, by the way, but I’ve a kind of fear of shitty puppets. And I don’t – I’ve never liked the Muppets. I can’t see any enjoyment there. Ugghhh, fucking freaky. Horrible. It’s horrible. It’s sinister. And the same thing with Spitting Image, I never liked that. Just, ugghhh, it turns me off. I liked the Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet when I was a kid. *RH changes the question so it’s the Thunderbirds rather than Spitting Image.* Captain Black. I’d go with Captain Black on the Norfolk Broads. And we’d really fuck everyone up. *RH notes that Captain Black is horrible.* Yeah, I know, but he’s great. He’s the only – the rest of them are insipid and a bit creepy and like, “Oooh, look at me, Captain Scarlet. Captain Blue, I’m gay but don’t know it yet.”

Notes

VR has since been added to the “Newton Aycliffe” Wikipedia page under the “Notable people” section.

VR enjoyed the emergency question about peas.

VR had recently injured himself while trying to jump over a campfire.

RH notes that so far no RHLSTP guest has died.

RH suggests that being a guest on RHLSTP causes you to become immortal.

Story about Sue Lawley omitted on legal advice.

VR vapes briefly during recording.

RH states that his favourite films are This Is Spinal Tap and Life of Brian.

VR states that his favourite films are Saturday Night and Sunday Morning and It Always Rains on Sunday.