Title: Windsor Davies or Your Wife?
Original Record Date: July 4, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: August 17, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: August 18, 2016
Please Welcome a Man
Who’s been waiting a whole week to find out what happened in that Croydon school-based version of Waiting for Godot.
I was near Byker Grove the other day. PJ and Duncan are a couple of the lads there. They were doing a rap – it was about a podcast. Spuggy didn’t.
Guest Best Known
For being in the 1979 series Chopper Squad, which was a year before he was born.
Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note David Frew shown on RH’s hand-held camera in the front row didn’t watch Byker Grove RH correctly guessed that he was born in 1961 not willing to take over RH’s role in RHLSTP eating Minstrels not worried about eating Minstrels because he practices yoga during frozen pea emergency question, indicates that he buys frozen cauliflower Victoria during the careers emergency question MC asks if she is present works at the British Museum confirms that working in a museum is a career
Why do we have frozen peas?
Because they last longer. Is it because they’re hard to shell? Or tinned. Hard to shell? *RH mentions that frozen peas are nicer than fresh peas.* They are, yeah. That is – I was going to good question, but it’s not. But it is definitely a question that I can’t answer. Well, I’ve given you two answers that I think you’re just batting away because they are the correct answer. Although, you get the mixed veg [frozen]. I still see – *RH says you really don’t see frozen mixed veg.* Yeah, but I think that just might be you […] I think people… I mean, they’re clearly still there. They’re still there, those big bags of carrots and sweet corn and peas and little green beans and stuff. But you’re just not buying them. But somebody must do. They’re still – we see them in the supermarkets. Doesn’t mean a…? Wait, hang on a sec. Someone just said, “I do” very quietly. Who was that? Was that you, Andy? Behind you. Do you still buy them? *Audience member says, “Absolutely.”* Yeah, there you go. *RH derides same audience member.* Oh, how dare you? He’s wearing a tie. He looks very smart.
BuzzNigeria.com: Which are your two favourite careers and why?
My two favourite… Oh, careers. I thought you said Koreans. I was like, wow. One from the north, one from the south; let’s do it right. Um, I… define the terms. That I have done, or…? I don’t think it’s a terrible question. I think it’s way too broad. I think “what’s your favourite career” would have been fine but I think the fact – Because you’ve gotta pick two you think, Oh, maybe they should complement each other, but no, why should they? I’m always very impressed by anyone who either works for a charity, even though inevitably you go, “That’s amazing,” they go, “No, it’s shit. Money’s always misspent.” Or someone who works in a museum. I always think those would be the two. *RH suggests those aren’t career.* Working in a museum is a career. I mean, I met someone the other day – Victoria, are you here? *RH ridicules MC.* Get ready to eat frozen humble peas, because Victoria, you are here, aren’t you? *Affirmative answer from Victoria.*
Ali’s Randomage: Have you ever flown a kite?
Yes. Yeah, I’ve flown a kite. I’ve made a kite. I’ve flown a stunt kite. Yeah, I’ve had lots of fun times with kites. Uh, I, um, I recently was on a beach in Kerala and they sell little kites there. And I had to stand next to a man and fly the kite while his son had a photograph taken with my wife. Because apparently people with red hair are very exotic. Like, it was very exciting because for once one of us got to behave like a celebrity. Everywhere we went, like, groups of kids would take photos of my wife. And then whole families would stand with her and have photographs. So, yeah. So yes, I have flown a kite.
Ali’s Randomage: Have you ever demolished a wall or a building?
*RH relates how as a child he threw rocks at an old stone wall, causing it to crumble.* That seems like something, like, very old-y world-y, as a thing to do, even in 1983. Throw rocks at a building, but throw rocks at an old stone house until it fell over. You should be going out and watching The Human League. No, I’ve never… I fell over a wall. Um, I had a very tough gig in Eastbourne, which went really, really badly. It was one of Jim Grant’s gigs; they were always tough to play and I had a really terrible time. And at the end of the gig I went and stood outside, outside the venue. And I didn’t realize it was very dark. I was chatting to Carl Donnelly and there was a very low wall and I didn’t realize. And I, I fell over the wall and then rolled back into the venue where I’d just died. I tore my trousers open and I cut my knee open and so I just went, “Yeah, thanks very much, everybody. You hated me.” And I think I ended it by going, “Oh, I fucking hate Eastbourne.” You know, something mature like that to get the crowd on-side for the next round of applause, and I walked off. And then, while Jim was still compèring, like, ten seconds later I rolled back into the venue covered in blood for my encore.
Who would you rather died: Windsor Davies or Matthew Crosby’s wife?
*Conversation wandered; no response given.*
Why can’t everyone be babies?
‘Cause then I’d just walk around trying to high-five them all the time. Why can’t eveyone be babies? Would you prefer to be a baby? Yeah, but then, like, everyone would die. That’s quite a bad thing. So you would prefer, like, let’s just say five to ten days of everyone being a baby. And is everyone the same age? Is everyone bang-on the same age? Okay, so say everyone is – your baby is seventeen months, is that right? Seventeen months at the time of recording, uh, and my wife currently still alive. […] So everyone’s seventeen months, so let’s say a day, two days. You’d prefer two days and then the entire planet is wiped out, as opposed to what we’ve got now. *RH points out that it would be fun, and people don’t remember after their deaths anyway.* That’s a good point. They would just experience it and then they’d die. […] Just lying in that poo. Puking on yourself and then lying in that puke. So you’d sooner lie – that shows you what a terrible state the country is in. That Richard Herring would prefer to be lying on his back covered in shit and, like, burper – it would even be burped up breast milk, it would be burped up bile – sooner than have Michael Gove possibly be our prime minister. Seems fair enough.
RH says that eventually he wants to do an episode that’s just catchphrases all the way through.
In light of recent constant resignations, RH also considers resigning from the podcast.
RH reveals that cameraman Craig used to work as a charity mugger.
MC accidentally tried to give a child a high-five on the way to the recording.
RH claims that MC is the only guest shorter than RH.
MC and RH measured hands and confirmed that RH’s hands are still smaller.
MC suggests that during a year of celebrity deaths, Windsor Davis will be the next.
MC suggests that the Sophie’s Choice of Windsor Davies and MC’s wife should be a new emergency question.