Title: Paedophile Postman

Soundcloud Time: 1:34:13
Youtube Time: 1:35:15

Original Record Date: July 25, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: September 28, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: September 28, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who is renowned for his professionalism.

Cool Kids
I was out in the streets and there was a forty year-old man in a suit playing Pokemon Go.

Guest Best Known
For his appearance on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed shown on RH’s hand-held camera
sitting far in the back
waving fervently
started waving while RH captured the camera on his hand-held camera, despite RH not actually filming him
Unnamed shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
wearing a hat
sitting with David Frew
Karen shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
in London on holiday
from Texas
fan of RHLSTP
not voting for Trump in upcoming presidential election
Sarah shown on RH’s hand-held camera
sitting with Karen
in London on holiday
from Texas
fan of RHLSTP
not voting for Trump in upcoming presidential election
David Frew suggests RH could keep out Texan listeners by building a wall

Emergency Questions

What is the worst rumour you’ve heard about yourself?

Oh, John Robins told me this. Um, I – aw, this is going to sound like I’m bragging. When I was a very, very new comic – actually, this is absolutely not the worst thing. It’s just the last one I got told. I’ll tell you probably; I’ll have a think about the worst one. When I was an open spot comedian, a very new comedian, I sort of wasn’t an awful open spot. I was alright as far as open spots go. And there was a sort of myth on the Cardiff comedy scene that I would turn up to gigs and do okay. And then the promoter or the other acts would say, “Oh great, how long have you been going?” And I would go, “Actually, that was my first-ever gig.” Just to sort of curry favour and I apparently I did this for two years and I never ever did that. That’s a complete lie. In terms of the worst rumour about me, it would probably be – oh God, there have been millions. Uh, especially at school and stuff. You know, that I had a penis like a grape and all that sort of, you know… Just all that classic, sort of, grape penis stuff. Yeah, penis like a grape. Like a grape as in a fruit. Mainly penis stuff, basically. I actually – it’s just fairly standard. *RH claims that EJ has a penis like a grip.* Like a vice, yeah. Once you’re involved with it you can’t get away from it, yeah. And then there’s a metal bar that you twist and all sorts of awful things.

Who would you rather died: Windsor Davies or Matthew Crosby’s wife?

Matthew Crosby’s wife? As in my friend Matthew Crosby? Or Windsor Davies, the Welsh actor I’ve never met? Well Windsor Davies is about eighty, he’s had a good innings so… I don’t want to kill him off but if it’s, if I’ve got to point a gun at one of their heads, then absolutely Windsor – I mean it sounds now like I’m too enthusiastic about it. “You always had this coming, Windsor.” “Oh, I’m a lovely boy, lovely boy.” All of that is available on DVD, isn’t it? Or YouTube nowadays. You can revisit it. Charlie Crosby, Matthew Crosby’s wife, I mean her whole life is ahead of her.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No, but I’d love to. I once got locked in the cellar of a pub in Cardiff by a barmaid who convinced me that there were ghosts down there. But yeah, twenty-five minutes later, nothing. Uh, yeah no I – *Audience members wants to know which pub EJ is referring to.* Uh, it was the Little O’Neill’s next to the award-winning pastie shop. Um, just off St. Mary’s Street. Do you know which one? Not the big one down the bottom of St. Mary’s Street, but the small one. Opposite what used to be a very posh fish and chips shop. Yeah, yeah. yeah.

Notes

RH does an imitation of PH’s “sarcastic walk”.

RH mentions that his birthday is July 12th.

RH mentions that he supports York City F.C.