Title: Jeffrey Archer’s Carp

Soundcloud Time: 1:16:23
Youtube Time: 1:16:01

Original Record Date: October 3, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: October 13, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: October 12, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who has a sexually transmitted disease.

Cool Kids
I was down at the Junior Gazette the other day. There’s a guy there name Colin; he’s really cool.

Guest Best Known
He was the former classical music columnist for Gramaphone Magazine.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

If you were granted the powers of a King Midas, but could choose what everything was going to turn into, what would everything turn into?

Um, I think either carrot. Carrot, because – I like carrot. Raw carrot, not cooked carrot. Carrot is useful. *RH points out that you can cook raw carrot but not the other way around.* You should get the Nobel prize for physics and chemistry. Uh yes, so carrot or… trifle, it has to be trifle, yeah. Not chocolate, trifle. *RH points out that AI’s wife would turn into trifle.* But that’s the essential Midas problem.

Have you ever killed someone, but never spoke about it and would you like to speak about it now?

Yes and no. There was a slightly forgiving look on his face. As the final shard of glass went in his eye.

Do you think the Tim Allen film The Santa Clause could ever happen in real life?

I don’t think it has happened. What happens in The Santa Clause? I was talking to someone today – today – about what happens – there must be someone who still believes there’s Father Christmas and the has children and then is fully expecting their child to be given presents by Father Christmas. So is then shocked on Christmas morning when Father Christmas hasn’t come. Must be naughty, yeah, yeah. That must have happened. Must that have happened? No? Not even in America? I’m sure there’s some community somewhere who believes in Father Christmas all the year ’round. I’m not saying – and I’m not having a go at the Omish/Amish community, but you know, like the Amish, you know, dress and that. I’m not having a go. No, no, I’m not saying, I’m saying rather like there is that community, there may well be in some other state in America a community that genuinely believes that Father Christmas exists. And they till the fields dressed as elves and, you know… I don’t know. I mean, I’m just – We don’t know… See, if this was Donald Trump, he’d say, “We don’t, we don’t know. Could be, possibly. Nobody knows. You know what I mean, you know what I mean. China!”

Notes

This is AI’s second appearance.

RH is ill from a cold he contracted from his daughter.

RH thanks Kickstarter contributors.

Kickstarter: Product placement for SpinelessClassics.com

Regarding the Midas emergency question, RH states that he would choose for everything to turn into what it was, but holding some diamonds RH would then be given.

RH recounts childhood dream where he murders a small girl and buries her in the hills of Cheddar with his father’s help.

The Santa Clause spoiler.

Soundman George recently broke his arm riding a bicycle.

AI predicts that Donald Trump will not win the American presidential campaign.