Title: Baked Bean Silo

Soundcloud Time: 1:12:53
Youtube Time: 1:14:10

Original Record Date: October 10, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: November 9, 2016
Youtube Publication Date: November 9, 2016

Please Welcome a Man
Who went to school where art was taught by Rick Buckler’s brother though he was never personally taught by Rick Buckler’s brother. It was… Can’t remember the name of the person who taught me now. Shame, isn’t it?

Cool Kids
I was down with Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Remember them? They were good. And the lead singer had a t-shirt that said, ”Frankie Says AIOTM”.

Guest Best Known
For playing Piers in Time Gentlemen Please. Also, playing Piers in the short film Womble.


Better or Worse than Last Week: Same
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Sarah in the front row
teaches drama
wearing a scarf but not cold
not married
would not have sex with Justin Trudeau
RH appears to be recording hand-held camera, but footage not included in published podcast recording
Unnamed shown on RH’s hand-held camera
in the front row
RH advised he would insult audience member for free, as opposed to as part of Kickstarter
offered RH spare beer to insult him

Emergency Questions

What was the most impressive celebrity that ever came to your school?

John Nettles. Of course. He opened the school fête. Why do you ask? Tim Brooke-Taylor as well.

What was the least impressive celebrity that ever came to your school?

Keith Chegwin came to the Royal Square; we had Swap Shop Live! That came for broadcasting. Ted Heath; we went to a talk at another school.

Did any future celebrities go to your school?

John Henry Falle, who’s a comedian, does Story Beast; he was a few years below me. Kenneth More, was older – the actor. No, I think that’s it. Oh, well, there’s – I don’t know if he was there for a while because he pissed me off, Henry Cavill, who’s Superman. I don’t think he went to my school; I think he went to one of the local prep schools and then he went to, sort of, boarding school. […] There was a little window where I was the most well-known person from Jersey and then that fucker had to be Superman. But I didn’t get the audition. If I had, different story.

Did the siblings of any celebrities teach at your school?

Okay, walk me through that again. The siblings? Uh, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah – Bob Dylan’s sister taught art. No, not so far as I know.

What is the worst thing you’ve ever tried to squeeze down the drain of a shower?

Oh, a human eyeball. No, it’s normally picking stuff out of there. No, I know where you’re going, but I – I’ve had accidents, but not in the shower. Say this might have happened to someone once. That somebody maybe was in a shared house and was in the shower. And perhaps somebody was waiting to come in the shower and maybe the person in the shower had come out of the shower and knew that they had to break wind but was embarrassed about the potential volume of the breaking of the wind. And parted a cheek to allow just the escape of gas, and maybe something else came out. But the person who’s still waiting to come in… you’ve got to deal with that. It wasn’t in the shower, Richard. Hypothetically. It was viscous.

Ali’s Randomage: Have you ever flown a kite?

Yes. It was brilliant. Yeah, Jersey, the beach next to the lighthouse. It had a sort of a paraglide, a parachute and I really remember. And it snapped once and I tied the thread together again and did it. Not a man, like a picture of a man. A Jersey tradition. We all dance around the maypole and if a man trips over you tie him to a cross and you put him out in the wind in a big storm and you leave him up there ’til he’s dead. I never did stunt-kiting or anything. That looks beyond me. I’m looking forward to doing it with my kids finally, but I’ll probably take over and annoy them. “It’s my turn now.”

LifeHacks.io: If you could jump into a pool of something, what would it be?

What, like champagne? Blood? For a vampire. Feathers? That could be interesting. You’d sort of compact them. Not like they’re floaty, you compact them. Yeah, encase them in cement.

What’s the best museum you’ve ever been to?

Uh, yeah the [unclear]. It’s great because they’ve got, like a sculpture, 3D heads they project faces on them, so it looks like they’re actually there. So you’ve got Brian Blessed saying, “I am Helier, ghost of these islands.” And they’ve got a whole kind of, you know, animatronic. So it’s a proper kind of, “From the dawn of time…” And you get sort of volcanoes and stuff and then, “1939… ‘Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!'” You get storms of war.

Would you consider sex with a ghost as cheating on your partner?

Well, it’s impossible. I’m not even going to say because ghosts don’t exist, because how do you penetrate that which is vapour? Or not vapour, but spectral? It could be a water ghost.

Could you ever have sex with someone who called breasts “boobies”?

No, not Keith Lemon, definitely not. What, does it make you laugh? Are you thinking from the ’50’s? Why would they say that? That’s it, you’re out.

Have you committed any crimes you have not previously admitted to?

Ah, Matthew Crosby’s wife.

MarshallJonesJr.com: Have you ever tried sushi?

Yeah. That’s not an unusual… I’m sorry, is there a follow-up? I like sushi, yeah.

Has anything you’ve written then come true?

Probably with Time Trumpet. Or, I don’t think that David Beckham ever got a vagina sewn into his arm. But you don’t know. It could be.


Kickstarter: Paul Hewitt paid RH to insult him: “I don’t call you Paul Hewitt. I call you Paul You Twit.”

Six Degrees of Bergerac: The Cobbler

Six Degrees of Bergerac: Wild Geese

Six Degrees of Bergerac: Fargo

Desert Island Dicks: Richard Kiel, Richard Harris, Richard Burton, Derek William Dick

Will Smith bought a product placement for his book Mainlander on a later episode.

RH suggests that this week’s podcast should be titled “Diarrhea Is Chunkier Than You Think”.

WS predicts that Donald Trump will not win the 2016 American president election.