Title: Biscuit

Soundcloud Time: 47:25
Youtube Time: 47:54

Original Record Date: November 14, 2016
Soundcloud Publication Date: January 18, 2017
Youtube Publication Date: January 18, 2017

Please Welcome a Man
Who can’t believe he didn’t even try his Scottish accent once in the last podcast.

Cool Kids
I was playing Mouse Trap with some kids. When I say playing Mouse Trap – we just set up mouse, we didn’t play the game.

Guest Best Known
For her appearance on Russell Howard’s Good News.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
David Frew shown on RH’s hand-held camera
sitting in the front row
Pete has never met a shepherd
has never tried sushi
Liz sitting with Pete
married to Pete
has never met a shepherd
has never tried sushi

Emergency Questions

If you could have a hand made of ham or an armpit that dispensed sun cream, which would you prefer?

Well, hand made of ham. I pretty much have a ham hand anyway and as someone who believes in the social model of disability, I know that it’s fine. Biscuit. I’ll just eat sandwiches. Yeah, it would be fine. It would be everybody else’s attitude to ham hands that would be the problem. It would make my chest smell a bit if I had a ham hand because it’s, like, punching yourself with a lump of ham. I’d have very greasy clothes. I’d be like a DABS advert.

LifeHacks.io: If you could jump into a pool of something, what would it be?

The Smurfs. It’s like a blue and white crash mat.

If you had to do a human centipede with two other people, if you had to, but you could choose the two other people, and you’re in the middle, who would you choose?

Dumbledore and Doris Day.

If you dropped your phone down the port-o-loo at Glastonbury on the third day, would you retrieve the phone?

I use the accessible toilets at Glastonbury, which are huge and very clean, so yes. There are some perks to being disabled.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No, I’ve seen your mother’s cunt. No – I haven’t seen either, honestly.

Why can’t everyone be babies?

I’m a baby. They can if you just say it. I’m a baby.

Where do you get your crazy ideas from?

Fuck. From – Biscuit – the cultural appreciation of beans. Biscuit. For a biscuit. From the 1980’s mainly.

What’s the best museum you’ve ever been to?

I worked in a museum for a while. Biscuit. I worked in – when I was – biscuit – a teenager, eighteen. I worked in the Museum [unclear] – biscuit – which doesn’t exist anymore. Biscuit. It was in the era when there was money invested in the arts. Biscuit. And – biscuit – the Museum [unclear] biscuit – and there was the museum of Emotions and the Museum of Me and the Museum of the Unknown, and it was a rolling museum and it was – biscuit – down on the south bank. Biscuit. Fuck. Biscuit. Well, there was lots of interesting exhibitions and a lot of – I met a lot of friends and stuff happens. Biscuit. Just a load of interesting art stuff, engaging people in a different way and I enjoyed being part of that.


RH takes an audience poll of those who have never tried sushi.

JT introduced as Touretteshero Jess Thom.

RH had originally said that he would not ask JT the human centipede question, but she answered regardless.

Kickstarter: Brian O’Callaghan asked JT: Could you give us a really good appraisal of Richard’s Scottish accent?