Title: Oh Jesus I have Promised

Soundcloud Time: 1:11:37
Youtube Time: 1:12:25

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: November 8, 2017
Youtube Publication Date: November 8, 2017

Please Welcome a Man
Who has lost three times on Pointless Celebrities and if he goes on again and loses again that has beaten the law of averages. Just one time out of four, he should just win just by chance.

Cool Kids
I was flying drones down by Heathrow Airport with a lot of middle-aged guys getting together on a Sunday just to fly a drone near to an airplane.

Guest Best Known
As Chrissy the Unemployed Bee in Revolting and the Woman in Café in Count Arthur Strong.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Boxer shorts or serendipity?

I feel like they’re the same thing. Leaving things to chance, if anything, is what they’re both about.

What is the strangest thing you’ve found in your cleavage, belly button, or anal cleft?

Great question. I don’t think I’ve found that much interesting in my belly button. I’ve found a paperclip. And a great deal of food. Like, the worst thing is – a great deal of food down there – the worst thing is obviously when, when you’re eating a chocolate bar and chocolate flakes fall down there and obviously they melt, and then you’ve got melted chocolate. And you don’t mind it being on your skin, that’s great, but it’s melted into your bra and then you’re like, aw no, that’s terrible. I haven’t yet got chocolate down my but crack, but…

Do you think that there’s a true conspiracy theory?

I have always wondered about Princess Diana. So I don’t, I don’t think the Queen was involved, but, you know, there’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t add up. You know, there is. And I don’t think they would have gone to the Queen with it – I’ve never said this out loud before – but you know, I don’t know. She was causing a lot of, you know, inconvenience to the Royal Family. They got a lot of power, haven’t they? I don’t know if I do believe that, but it’s crossed my mind. I’ve watched a lot of programmes like Spooks, which I think hasn’t helped my conspiracy theory skepticism. * RH notes that Spooks is not real.* Well, you say that, but it’s very convincing and it had a lot of series, so it’s very persuasive indeed. *RH notes that he believes the real Paul McCartney died.* Oh my God, can I just tell you… An ex-boyfriend of mine when I was 21 as a sort of joke Valentine’s Day present, which was hilarious. FYI, what ll women want on Valentine’s Day is a joke gift. It was hilarious, actually. It was a second-hand book called The Walrus With Paul, which was a substantial book, which was about Paul McCartney being dead. And it was so funny, it was so funny. But there’s a lot of evidence there. But then, there’s also Paul McCartney. Still living, looking quite a lot like Paul McCartney. If anything, the fake Paul McCartney is the national treasure.

When’s International Men’s Day?

You always tell everyone, but you never tell me because I never ask.

What is your favourite direction on the compass?

Ah, west. No explanation.

What’s the most unusual thing you ever collected?

Uh, what did I used to collect? I did, I did. I’m trying to remember. Um… oh my God. But I mean, we could be here for sixty minutes and you’re going to edit it out. They’ll leave. I genuinely can’t remember because of the pressure. Like genuinely, several things but there’s too  much pressure.

Why do we have frozen peas?

For head injuries.

If you could put a custard pie in the face of anyone in the world, with no returns, who would you custard pie?

Um, Noel Edmonds. Yeah, not because I hate him; that’s a by-product. No, I don’t. I think he’s quite funny. And I just think that it would be quite good and it would get caught in his beard. And also, he’s very good at that kind of slapstick entertainment. He’d receive the pie very well, I think.

What do women want?

They want to live their lives in peace.


At the time of recording, RP did not have a Wikipedia page.

RH references viral video of an exchange between him and a heckler at a past show.

RH asks emergency questions from the app.

Game of Thrones spoiler.

RP tells story about going to the bathroom at RH’s house.