Title: Portuguese Boy’s Urine

Soundcloud Time: 1:02:55
Youtube Time: 1:04:29

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: December 7, 2017
Youtube Publication Date: December 6, 2017

Please Welcome a Man
Who has already been called the 21st-century Frost/Nixon.

Cool Kids
I was playing . Remember Magna Doodle? I mentioned it last week; you should have been listening. It’s like Etch-a-Sketch but it never caught on. Some children playing that.

Guest Best Known
As the assistant producer of The Saint & the Hanged Man.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Jason drinking a Stella Artois
banker
Paul sitting with Jason
sells IT stuff
Henry wearing a motorcycle clothing badge
graphic designer

Emergency Questions

If you had a finger that could travel through time…

I mean, so many, so many eyeballs to poke. I mean, the obvious one would be to travel through time and go all the way back to a really important speech and then just dangle the finger out of someone’s fly, so it looks like their penis is hanging out. Maybe like Churchill – just in the middle of the sort of, you know, “We will never surrender…” Just a little penis finger hanging out. *RH suggests that this would have won Hitler the war.* I don’t know. I think Hitler would have found it amusing and probably would have cooled off. I think he’d be like, This is a man I can get behind. He’s got a sense of humour. We’ll leave this behind. Yeah, I think definitely… Because that’s a classic. Kids love that, adults love that.

If you had to do a human centipede with two other people, if you had to, but you could choose the two other people, and you’re in the middle, who would you choose?

Am I in the middle? So the obvious answer is you want a villain behind you who gets punished. And you want someone ahead of you who’s got a decent diet. Okay, alright, so I… Oh, that’s interesting. Who would I be a villain to? Oh, that’s a good question. I mean, in terms of who’s come out badly in Horrible Histories, who have we vilified in Horrible Histories? We’ve definitely given William the Conquerer quite a kicking. He was a bastard, I mean, he was called William the Bastard. He was an actual bastard. […] William the Conquerer in the front, because I think he would want to get vengeance on me and I’m willing to take that. Provided I get to… *RH asked if William the Conquerer blew up when he died.* Yeah, he exploded. Because he was quite a beast, and he fell off his horse and smashed his tummy on the pommel of the horse, on the saddle bit. And they then tried to cram him into a stone coffin that was too small. And kind of crammed him in very hard, and his tummy just exploded with gas. And also the church caught fire at the same time. No, just unrelated. And weirdly, the church also caught fire at his coronation. The only man in history who basically was present at his arson of his coronation and his funeral. It didn’t end well. So William the Conqueror in the front – I’ll take that for the team. Who am I going to deliver vengeance to? Ah, I mean – ooh, goodness. I mean, you know, it’s going to have to be Hitler, isn’t it? It’s going to have to be Hitler. And also, if Hitler was a vegetarian, William the Conqueror ate a lot of meat, so we’re going to do him that way as well.

Notes

RH states he will be adopting GJ’s question, “How old are toilets?” as an emergency question.