Title: What Was The Question?
Soundcloud Time: 1:16:03
Youtube Time: 1:16:46
Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: April 18, 2018
Youtube Publication Date: April 18, 2018
Please Welcome a Man
He’s a little boy and all of his dreams have finally come true.
I was talking to the porn actor Jean Val Jean last week. He looks very much like Peter Baynham, last week’s guest.
Guest Best Known
As Brod in Survivors.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
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Have you ever seen a bigfoot?
Well, I can answer that question. I’ll be very serious now because I can see with this audience I can be wonderfully serious and full of gravitas. What was the question? Now look, ladies and gentlemen, a third of Canada has only been surveyed by helicopter. A lot of the lost world in South America is completely unknown. So in Canada it’s bigfoot, sasquatch. And then you move across from Canada into Asia and it’s the Almas giant. The Russians have records of the Almas giant – seven, eight, nine feet tall. You move across Asia, it becomes the [unclear] and he becomes the yeti. Then you move down to Sumatra and it’s Orang Pendek, upright man. And there’s a BBC camera crew down there at this moment; they’ve been down there for ten years, taking photographs because they are besotted with it. But you see, I don’t need that, in the fact that I look in the mirror – I fucking adore the way I look. I mean, people like Branagh and Antony Sher and Derek Jacobi and McKellen – they’re shite compared to me. I have never met a man with such sexual drive. I look in the mirror, I have such fucking amazing talent. I’m fucking unrivaled. So, I look in the mirror and I thought, That is a fucking lovely yeti. I love my face. I love it that I look like a gorilla. To answer your question, I have. It’s in my book, but over the years I worked with gorillas. And they love me. I wrestled a gorilla in Canterbury, many, many years ago. *RH holds up BB’s book.* Bear with me, I’ll be with you in a second. A few years ago in Canterbury I wrestled Gurges. He was 6’3 – a big, lovely gorilla. I was to wrestle him. I was very glad in the last King Kong film but one, the blonde girl, doing somersaults, and King Kong laughing. Because gorillas laugh. And when I used to wrestle Gurges I used to grab his bollocks. Absolutely true. *Mimics a laughing gorilla.* It made him helpless. Anyway, what I want to say is this, I’m fed up with all this sex stuff. I have had females come one at me. Now, working with female gorillas, in Caterbury and at Chessington, there’s about six of them. I sat with the gorillas, because they love me, and they’re very passive, the females, but they are dirty fuckers. They empty your pockets, you must empty your pockets – they’re very quick. And they’re very passive, and then gradually their hands start to move towards your flies. And they start to unzip – it’s the universal language *loudly tuts*. Knock on the nose. And then their hands come out again and they start heading for your cock again. And you stop them because they are absolutely oversexed. […] now the thing is, I put an apology in one of the chapters in my book and I apologize to the male gorilla, because, I mean, they’re all about 35 stone, with immense shoulders, and huge. But their cocks are that big *holds fingers about an inch apart.* They’re like little lipsticks. I mean [unclear] mentioned this, the human penis – sorry girls – then men usually, they’re about that long, or that long; I have one that long. And there are some fucking jaffers, some fucking huge fucking penises. So the human male, in spite of his great brain he’s got, I mean he dangles down there. Human beings, males, they have pretty big dongs. So, I always say therefore I don’t understand why the gorillas are that big, and you can understand why the females adore me, can’t you? And that’s my point. Does that answer your question? Certainly the yeti does exist. I’m quite positive.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
When I trained with these wonderful teachers in Highland and the Yorkshire Dales – No, I won’t talk about it now, fuck it.
RH had to wait for BB to arrive in the wings prior to his introduction.
BB’s daughter is in the audience.
BB spent the majority of the time standing rather than sitting.
At the end of the interview BB sings ‘O sole mio.
BB received a standing ovation from the audience.