Title: STD from a Vulcan
Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: May 2, 2018
Youtube Publication Date: May 2, 2018
Please Welcome a Man
Who knows what polyorchid means and isn’t afraid to admit it to strangers.
I was on Finders Keepers the other day. The Richard Stilgoe version, not the Neil Buchanan ’90’s hybrid.
Guest Best Known
She was the fiddler on one episode of Mystery Science 3000; we all remember that. She was also Button in Charlotte’s Web 2: Wilbur’s Great Adventure, which must be good because Charlotte died in the first film.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note N/A N/A
What did you abhor as a child that you now like?
I did not like pizza. I didn’t enjoy it. Uh, I don’t know what was wrong. If there had been some trauma around pizza. But now I’ve grown into it and I’ve embraced it. Yeah, any kind of pizza I’m down for. Doesn’t have to be particularly good. We get a lot of coupons at our house for pizza that’s, like, nine dollars for a 70-inch pizza.
What film/story would you like to see remade by the Muppets?
Well, Othello. *RH asks which Muppet would play Othello.* Yeah, that’s gonna be the on-line argument, how that’s gonna happen. I do love the Muppets. *RH asks if MB has worked with the Muppets.* No, but they do everything. They’re so good at everything. They make everything better. What about if the Muppets took over the news, like, Fox News, every once in a while. That news source, of course, is terrible. That would sully; they couldn’t do that. Yeah, I love the Muppets.
If you had to marry one of the Muppets, which one would you marry?
Okay, now it’s weird. I want to say Kermit, just ’cause he’s so sensitive. I don’t know if there’d be a lot of traction there. I think where the real fire comes for me is, you know that guy with the eagle, he’s an eagle. Sam. Yeah. Or, I do like the two men in the opera box. Those guys are good.
Have you ever improvised a condom?
Improvised a – no. No, uh, no. How would one do that? *RH describes various scenarios.* That would be so, I assume, painful for the woman. Hashtag MeThree. That’s awful. My goodness. I mean, unless people enjoyed it, then good for you!
What’s the most expensive thing you’ve had eaten by a pet?
Okay, um, oh yes. I think the most joyful experience I’ve ever seen, we had an older pug named Burt and we’d had a big party. *Cheers from the audience.* Shout out to Burt. Burt has since passed away but he is on the rainbow bridge. We’d had a big party, had too many shitty cupcakes and so we garbage bagged those up and they were on the porch and we just left the door open and the next thing we know Burt is just bloated. And we brought him to the emergency room and you could just see twenty cupcakes. We were so scared because we could see that he was about to die and she says, “No, just wait ’til he farts. He’ll be fine.” But, yeah, nothing expensive. Those were some very cheap cupcakes.
During the Muppet emergency question, RH frames it as having sex with a Muppet rather than marrying one.