Title: Do the Hokey Cokey
Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: May 16, 2018
Youtube Publication Date: May 16, 2018
Please Welcome a Man
Who has just used a Biro in the dressing room, which someone else’s spit came out of and leaked onto the page he was writing with, but whose spit was it? I don’t know.
I was hanging out with the lady from the Shake n’ Vac advert. I have a feeling I’ve done her before, in this context. She doesn’t even use Shake n’ Vac when she vacuums, she just vacuums, like, normally. I mean, why would you put more stuff on the floor? It was a bad idea.
Guest Best Known
For appearing on the show When Game Shows Go Horribly Wrong.
Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note David Frew nuclear physicist while talking about dick pics, RH advises David that he would love a dick pic from him
If you had to be anally violated by a popular chocolate bar, if you had to, which chocolate bar would you choose to be inserted in your anus?
Like, with someone following me around, not of the volition of the chocolate bar? Not like Snickers got freaky all of a sudden and decided to hop up there. Um, I think – no, that’s wrong. This is terrible because I can’t think of what – I feel like a Twix is the right size. A single Twix. Get them warm in your hand so that they mush and then… I love Twix, but now I will never think of them the same way again when I eat them. I love them.
What is the strangest thing you have ever found in the embers of a bonfire?
I don’t spend a lot of times around bonfires, so, you know, it’s not like I’ve ever seen, like, oh, a torn-off page of a nudie mag or something like that. You know, a picture of where the evidence is or something. Like, no. I just feel like it’s typically stuff where you’re like, you know, like, that’s a metal thing. Why did you try and burn a coat hanger? That doesn’t make any sense.
What is the worst music that you’ve had on whilst having sex?
Well, this isn’t the worst, but it’s the most memorable. Because, I mean I – whatever, you guys know, as far as Americans are concerned, any British person talking is a turn-on. And so I definitely, when I was living in New York, had a couple of encounters with British men before I moved over. And this was one where like, everything that, like, you know, he’s a white dude, and, like, everything that came on was, like, Brown Sugar and, like, all this stuff that he was just like, “You’re joking. Put on the music you like.” And I was like, “No, literally, like, I just download this stuff, but, like, it’s just playing the most, sort of, patronizing soundtrack, of, like, all the most exoticizing things and it was just, I mean, it’s bad when you’re listening specifically to what the music is, and it was super distracting.
What is the most beautiful thing that you have ever destroyed?
Oh, um, you know, you wish you had, like, time to prep these things. Yeah, but like, I can’t remember what happened beyond two days ago because that’s when I’m still hung over from. The most beautiful thing that I have – mmm. […] So, this isn’t a – there’s a better answer to this question, it’s just not coming to me, but, like, the most immediate thing that I destroyed, it was only because it was funny. So I was with, I was with, like, some rich friends, because you go to Yale and you get some of those, and then they take you to places and don’t make you pay. It’s great. They’re like, “You’re really charming.” I made a whole life on being really funny, entertaining, and broke. Sorry, guys. And they wanted me to come along anyway. But we were in – I want to say, like, they had some, like, house on a lake in Wisconsin. And there was a boat that they had, like a pontoon boat. Like a tiny boat. And like, you know, they were from Texas so they would just come with coolers and coolers of beer and all the booze, and be like, “Hey, we’re drinking, we’re going to spin the boat around until we fall down or whatever, right? And so they had this game where they were, like, shooting this sort of fire cracker thing and that would explode and have like a little, you know, thing that would come down. And then the game was to then race the boat to catch the little parachuted thing, you know, while you’re drinking on a lake that’s empty. So, like, I think that at some point, you know, I’m standing there and, like, they’re racing, and I’m, like, trying to get around to the other side of the table but at the last moment they make this sharp turn. And I do this very comical, like, Chris Farley, like, smash right through the table. I mean, and everyone, so they shift the boat really fast and suddenly it’s just, like, smash. Like something you would see on Saturday Night Live. Like, how did she just go through that? And everyone’s like, “Are you okay?” And I couldn’t breathe for laughing so hard because it was so amazing and I was just like, “I just completely destroyed your boat.” And they were like, “That’s fine, we’re rich.” And it was hilarious. So it wasn’t, like, a beautiful thing but it was, like, I don’t know, I just destroying things is a sexy feeling.