Title: High-Fiving the Pope

Soundcloud Time: 1:33:03
Youtube Time: 1:33:31

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: October 10, 2018
Youtube Publication Date: October 10, 2018

Please Welcome a Man
Who had a noise that he did with his friends at school. It was, *makes high-pitched strangled noise*.

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with Shampoo the other day. You may remember the early 1990’s girl group.

Guest Best Known
As the writer on The Games That Time Forgot: Cricket on Horseback and Other Forgotten Sports.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Emma school librarian
confirms that students highlight rude words in the dictionary

Emergency Questions

Where do you get your crazy ideas from?

It’s a great question. Can I tell you genuinely where I got an idea for one series, which makes me sound – I think makes me sound – makes me think I sound cool, but actually makes me sound like an awful person. I had a hot tub for two weeks. My wife rented a hot tub for my birthday for two weeks. And I sat in the hot tub for two weeks, and came up with ideas. Because there’s no – you can’t have computers or laptops – which is the same thing – you can’t have computers or laptops in there. They’re the two things you can’t have in a hot tub. So, you’re just sat there, forced to sort of… I ended up with one idea after two weeks of that. No, I tend to go to places like that, like hot tubs, or just walks in the woods where you have no distractions. And yeah, that’s a genuine answer to a non-genuine question.

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

Are they all yes or no’s? So no, but there is a famous Alex Horne. The manager – the former managing director of the FA. And we both got sent, for a long time, emails to the wrong Alex Horne’s. And we’re similar age. And,uh, and it turns out we’ve got friends in common. There’s been plenty of headlines in the papers saying “Horne Backs FA” and “Horne Rejects Wembley Claims,” um, so that’s the answer.

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

No again, but there is a famous Alex and it’s the same answer as before.

What was the last thing you lamented?

What was the last thing I lamented? And that means, sort of wailing with woe? Well firstly – my dad gets very annoyed when people say “firstly” – First, should be. First, I’ve never been sad. I’ve said this. Genuinely, I’ve not had that yet.And I think it’s ’cause I’m quite shallow. You know, you know in your podcast last week, there was stuff about whether intellectuals should all be drunk. And I think your guest, Richard, said we should be upset. And that made me upset that I’m not intellectual, because I’m genuinely very happy and very rarely sad. Because I think it’s fine, isn’t it? Most things are – I know it’s not great for everyone. But, um, genuinely – I’m pretty happy. So, the last thing I lamented. Uh, the last thing I lamented, um […] I don’t think I’ve ever lamented.

What was the last thing you laminated?

Now that’s more like it. Much more like it. And that is a good question. The last thing I laminated was a fake ID. And I left it in the printer. I was – I must have been under 18, obviously – I think I was 15 and I left it. So I haven’t laminated for a while; 25 years. Quarter of a century free of laminating now. Normally people would applaud for that. Yeah, but I laminated a fake ID and I think I left it in the printer in the photocopier in the Midhurst Public Library. And I panicked so much that I was going to get arrested because someone else would find it.

What was the last thing you lamented laminating?

Oh, okay yeah. It’s true. The last time I laminated was Midhurst Public Library, 1993.


RH notes that he has thousands of copies of the old emergency questions book that he is no longer allowed to sell.

RH asks AH whether he would prefer good television or phone reception.

AH both smelled and licked the area of RH’s wrist normally covered by his watch.

RH notes that sometimes during the podcast recording he pulls out the hairs in his ears.

RH and AH discuss the terms of payment AH is to receive for this appearance.

RH takes an audience poll of preference for RH or AH’s book.