Title: Sean Connery’s Macbeth

Soundcloud Time: 1:19:03
Youtube Time: 1:22:03

Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: December 12, 2018
Youtube Publication Date: December 12, 2018

Please Welcome a Man
Who doesn’t know who broke his front gate this morning. He just doesn’t know who it was.

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with Lee Lard the other day. He’s the guy who does the Peter Kay tribute act. He does a tribute act to him. So he does another comedian’s act; that’s his act. I was meeting up with him to see if I could do a Lee Lard tribute act. He said he wouldn’t allow it. He said it was wrong, just to copy someone else. He’s a hypocrite in many ways.

Guest Best Known
For his appearance on Red Dwarf: A-Z.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Have you ever been on a plane that’s been in an emergency and seen a genuine look of fear on the face of a flight attendant?


Have you ever milked an animal or a human?

Do you know, I’ve got a memory of milking an animal, but I’ve got no more than a weird kind of sense memory. I think I got – I think we must have taken the kids to a farm and, yeah, I think I’ve milked a goat. But I’ve blocked it out. We did go through customs once, when my wife was breastfeeding our eldest, and she went ahead of me. And we had the bottle of expressed milk and I had to taste it to prove that, um, it was actually milk. And I was expecting to be a bit squeamed out by that, but I wasn’t at all. I didn’t develop a taste for it.

If, like Adam Sandler in The Cobbler, you had the power to transform yourself into any person with the same size feet as you by wearing their shoes after you’d cobbled them on a magic machine, which person with the same size feet as you would you become?

Is that a real film? I’ve heard you talk about it; I didn’t realize – I thought it was… I thought it was a running joke based on a film that doesn’t exist. *RH asks what size JO’s feet are.* Nine. Well, nine, nine-and-a-half. I think I have the same size feet as David Beckham, I think. So obviously I’d have a go at being him for a while. *RH asks what JO would do as David Beckham.* Take free kicks. I interviewed him. I did the first interview with him after the Diego Simeone incident. And people find it impossible to believe – he was public enemy number one in this country, after getting sent off during the World Cup. They were burning effigies – you know, taking turns somewhere in Dorset or somewhere like that. Sorry, that sounded a bit disparaging about Dorset. You know, the bête noire of the newspapers burnt as an effigy and it was Beckham. And this was a really big deal, this interview, for him. It was a huge deal for me; it changed my whole career. Ugh, I shouldn’t tell you this, but I secured this interview because the people looking after David Beckham PR were actually the Spice Girls’ PR. He’d migrated across from sports to music. So I basically gave – I gave five star reviews to every record released by their client roster for about six months until I got the David Beckham [interview]. But to be fair, very few people turn to the Daily Express for guidance on… I did an interview with Eminem for the Sunday Express – I still don’t know how I got that – and at the time the average readership for the Sunday Express was about 111. And I did the first British interview with Eminem, before he broke Britain. We did it at the hotel on Kensington High Street. We went to Tower Records together, flicking through vinyl with Eminem at Tower Records and then we did a photo shoot in the park and he was sort of standing on benches. And people were walking by saying, “Who’s this guy?” And literally a month later the album My Name Is came out here and he went absolutely huge. But the Beckham thing – what was really sweet about it – I can’t remember why I started telling you about this – was that they were, she was pregnant with the eldest child. And we did the interview – I never, ever gave copy approval but obviously I’d already sold my soul by doing six months of reviewing everything with five stars. So I offered them copy approval and they rang up the next day, and there was one moment where he said – um, he just talked about how much he loved Victoria and how much he was looking forward to being a dad. And they rang up and said, “Can you take it out? Because some of the United fans won’t like that. They won’t like the idea that he loves his family more than he loves United.” Which takes us back to the footballification of everything, doesn’t it?


RH offers JO a beer from Beer52.

When JO later opened a beer, the foam spilled over the top of the bottle.