Title: Pennsylvania Polka
Original Record Date: Unknown
Soundcloud Publication Date: February 6, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: February 6, 2019
Please Welcome a Man
Who’s done this 199 times before.
I was hanging around with the Fun Boy Three and Bananarama in 1982. It might have just been some people from my school in a dark room in an attic and they were all kissing but I was just looking at them.
Guest Best Known
As the second-best podcast involving a man walking a dog around a field.
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What food have you consumed the longest after its expiration date and what were the consequences of that, if any?
The only thing that worries me is poultry, when that smells gamey. If you get some chicken breasts out and they are a bit whiffy. I would go for those because I have done in the past and, yeah, maybe that’s the answer; that chicken in the past I’ve thought, Ah. Because I think the same as you, I also think that it’s probably, um, the supermarket’s trying to encourage you to throw stuff away; trying to encourage waste so that you’ll buy more stuff and setting these ludicrous sell-by dates on things that actually you could keep it for ten years and they’d be fine. But they don’t want you to because they know that they want to have a built-in obsolescence or sell-by date. Anyway, um, but yeah, with, with chicken. So I took it out of the wrapper and its was maybe two days gone. And I thought, Ah, it will be fine. And, um, it did smell a little bit like feet. And I thought, Ah, I like feet. So pop it in the oven, make myself a nice sandwich. And it, but it tasted the same as it smelled. And then I felt sad. And then I stopped eating it because I didn’t want to get ill. Because I think that’s one of the ones, isn’t it, that you’re… dangerous. Yes, yes.
If you were stranded on a desert island and were allowed to have eight disc-shaped items with you, but you could not have two of any individual item, which eight discs would you have with you?
A disc. I would have a frisbee. I’d have – my favourite brand is Aerobie because they don’t, uh, break your fingers when somebody throws them and they slam into your fingers. You know, like the really hard ones, you can break your hand. My son, he’s quite, sort of, gung-ho. My middle son, he’s fourteen years old. And he loves sport and everything. He’s a bit of the opposite of me. And he – he’s determined to be able to – he wants to learn how to catch a frisbee in his mouth. So, like, I’m doing it with the Aerobie, which has a soft rubbery edge, but even so, if you lobbed that at someone and it hits them in a tender part of their anatomy, for example, the face or mouth, that’s painful. But he says, “Go on, Dad. Go on, do it! I’m going to do it this time! I’m gonna do it!” And every single time it just smacks him in the middle of the face. And he goes, “Oh, God!” And it makes me wince because the idea of it is so terrible and painful. He goes, “Do it again! Do it again!” I’m like, “I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” “Go on, I can do it this time. I can do it.” He’s never done it. So I’d take that. Uh, what other discs?
This is AB’s fourth appearance.
RH notes that between series he cannot keep the interview chairs at the theatre, and states that it costs him £180 to take them back to Hertfordshire.
AB arrives onstage with all of his belongings.
AB brings his own copy of the emergency questions book to be signed by RH.
AB gives RH a copy of Deadpan magazine published 1995, featuring RH and Stewart Lee on the cover.
AB leads audience in a round of the song Pennsylvania Polka.
AB asks RH the emergency question: “Which of your teachers do you think is most likely to secretly be a werewolf?”
AB asks RH the emergency question: “Does anyone genuinely enjoy skiing?”
RH offers AB a beer from Beer52.
RH polls audience regarding crowdfunding vs. sponsorship.
AB does an impression of Brian Blessed.