Title: Sir William Strawberry

acast Time: 1:12:57
Youtube Time: 1:13:37

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: April 23, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: April 24, 2019

Please Welcome a Man
Who thought his last podcast at the Leicester Square Theatre might be his last one and you’re about to find out why.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Long-Sleeved T-shirt Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with the Independent Group – today it was, actually. This podcast isn’t going to go out for two months, and the people at home probably won’t remember what that is. That’s my guess. And Mike Gapes… Chuck Umunna won’t call it that. He says he’s too cool to call it that.

Guest Best Known
For being William Strawberry, the drummer of the Capri-Sun Quartet.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Is there anything you’d like to have made for you specially by porn stars?

Yeah, I don’t know. I feel I understand [fetishes], but, like… I was on holiday with a bunch of people recently and one of them could not get her head around – She was like, she said – they were quite posh – and she was, like, going, “I don’t understand. Some people do it up the ass.” And we were like, “Yeah.” She was like, “I mean… can you imagine?” And we were like, “Yes.” Fairly route 1. That’s not… Well, route 2. But that’s entry-level… It is the third-level entry, sorry. But I was as surprised at her being surprised at people having anal sex as she was surprised at people having anal sex. I understand fetishes. Yeah. To have [a fetish] that’s not catered for in pornography, I mean – and this is no judgment for anyone – but I would probably start to get concerned about them. If I googled something pornographic and it came up with no results… Well, okay.

What was the weirdest reason you ever skived off school?

Yes, yes – good Christian boy, so I didn’t really, but once I did. It was only once ever. And that was – but it was for quite a wholesome, nice reason. So, at lunchtime – I was in sixth form. I did one year in sixth form before stopping. And I hadn’t enjoyed that morning. Didn’t like it. My friend, who had already left school, uh, he turned up at lunch time and was like, “What are you up to?” I was like, “Nothing. I don’t really want to go back for the second half.” And he went, “Well, why don’t you just hang out with me?” I was like, “What are we going to do?” He said, “I thought I’d go for a walk in the countryside.” I was like, “Alright.” So we went for a walk, just in the country, remarking on how nice and beautiful nature was. And just like, I thought I was – I used the word “deep” too many times as a teenager about myself. “I’m really deep, actually.” That would be because I could look at a tree and go, “Look at that beautiful tree. Wayne, don’t you think that tree is beautiful? We both talked about it; there’s no girls here. And I’m still telling you that the tree is beautiful. Aren’t I a deep person? And I remember we bought a packet of custard creams on that walk. We went through a village called Grafton Underwood, which was where, I think, Bridget Jones’s Diary – Oh, Bridget Jones is from there, in the book. Was near my house. And we went to Grafton Underwood; went to the post office and bought some custard creams and we sat on a bench and we shared them. There was a crane, uh, you know, mechanical crane. As in one of those, not a bird. And we saw it and we went, “Imagine if, uh, sitting in that crane and spending all day just picking people up for a laugh. And then we really laughed for ages while eating custard creams on a bench. Imagining people just walking along and just “Whoop!”. Really thought that was funny. And yeah, I got home quite late and my mum was like, “Where have you been?” I was like, “School.” As if I was like, “Wayne and I went for a walk in the countryside and ate some custard creams.” And she’d go, “You’re grounded.” *RH points out that JA would not have remembered that day’s school lesson.* No, I wouldn’t have remembered. I’d already decided that I wasn’t going to do the second year of sixth form.

If you only had a week to live, who would you tell to go fuck themselves?

Oh nice. Um, my year seven form tutor. Yeah. Believe me, hated her. I’d find her and tell her to go fuck herself and I’d say that – because I know she still works as a teacher – I would say that it’s a disgrace she’s still in the profession and she should be actually ashamed of herself, bullying 11 year-old kids. I would say that to her.

What was the worst thing a teacher ever said or did to you at school? And was it a games teacher?

Yeah. “You’re think you’re it.” That’s what she said to me. “You think you’re it.” It’s like an episode of The Office, or something. Like being told off by David Brent. “You think you’re it. Well, I’ve got news for you: You’re not.” I’m eleven in this story. Eleven years-old. And guess what I’d done. I’d – at one point – I’d breathed quite loudly during the spelling test. And she thought it was me going *exaggerated sigh*, “Ain’t doing spellings”. So sent me out. And come out like, “You think you’re it.” And it was literally – there was a bit – I remember during the thing back and forth between me and her, me going, “Miss, you can ask my dad; I’ve got a heart murmur. I breathe heavy!” It were bad. There was a kid in the class called Barry, who was actually naughty. He would swing two legs on his chair, and he had a metal ruler, and he’d just smack it off the side of his desk and take chunks out of it. Didn’t go near him. Let Barry do what he wanted. Get the hell out of this classroom. See you outside.

Notes

This is JA’s second appearance.

RH reveals that during the podcast with David Morrissey he thought he was dying because he found blood was in his pre-show urination. Later finds blood was due to a penis puncture.

RH notes that emergency question about custom-made porn stems from most recent podcast episode with Jon Ronson.

RH tells story about his worst vacation in Barbados.

RH refers to a pornographic search that returns no results as a Googlewank.

Tells a story featuring Phil Fry.