Title: Can Men Be Funny?

acast Time: 1:01:13
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: August 2, 2019
acast Publication Date: August 2, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s going to be sliding into your downloads with indecent frequency through August, and is very ill and can’t really speak.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lothian Services Timetable Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around at the Heart of Midlothian today. And all the people spitting on me…

Guest Best Known
LL: For her part as Cass in Flamingo Close: Cass.
TL: For appearing in the adverts for Gala Bingo.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Liam RH notes that he’s there for the emergency questions
Unnamed in the front row
RH notes that he look like a Jesus/Rasputin figure
RH says that if TL has not arrived for the interview, RH will interview him instead

Emergency Questions

Laura Lexx

Can men be funny?

Oh yes. Yes. One or two. Yeah, as long as they’re not always talking about their periods.

Can money buy you happiness?

Yes. Yes, of course it can. Money can buy loads of shit and shit’s great. Also, money just buys you piece of mind. Like, I’m so much happier since I stopped being worried all the time. Fucking money just stops you worrying. Yeah, it’s a dumb thing to say money doesn’t buy you happiness. Yes it does, shut up.

You should never put an ice lolly in your vagina. But if you had to, which ice lolly would you put in your vagina?

I’d say a Twister because it’s ribbed for her pleasure.

Have you ever bought a biscuit or chocolate bar that has turned up with an ingredient missing from it? And was it better or worse?

I can’t remember if it was an urban legend or at school if it happened, but I think one of my friends once had a Rocky without the biscuit in. Do you remember Rockys? Yeah. Oh, probably much worse. *RH mentions several chocolate bars that would be better without a given ingredient.* Why don’t you just buy a caramel, then? Could you drill the biscuit out? Like, if you got a long drill bit and just – it would be quite precise – you could clamp it.

What faulty machine once gave you an unexpected cash or free item windfall?

No, I don’t think. I feel deprived now.

If you were God, what flavour would you have made ejaculate?

Can you make it – you know like in Willy Wonka where there’s that ever-lasting Gobstopper that changes? You could have, you could have, like, lots of different flavours. So that first bit that’s always a bit surprising, that could be a nice little lemon thing, to be like, “Oh! Wake up! Open your eyes, he’s interested again.” And then, and then you could have something nice and filling like a sticky toffee pudding or something, in the middle. And then just a little bit of mint on then end. Just so that nobody knows what you’ve been up to. *RH references the terrible flavours available from Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans.* Yeah, it already is like that. I don’t know, this idea that it’s some sort of salty thing – are you joking? It’s like glue that… *LL referencing early conversation about how her husband dislikes when she reveals their sex life:* Oh, why am I doing this? He hates this. It’s someone else’s spunk I’m talking about, Babe. If you’re listening. This other guy I’ve been sucking off.

Tony Law

You should never put an ice lolly in your vagina. But if you had to, which ice lolly would you put in your vagina?

I don’t believe vaginas are for me to speak about. You won’t have seen that nod I did on the Internet. I, you know, I know what side my bread’s buttered on. I know what side my vagina’s buttered on. I can’t believe I said that. Don’t cut and paste that out of context. Fuck. I’ll be cancelled.

Have you ever sucked on a fisherman’s friend (lower case)?

I have not blown a man. No, not even during my decadent times. You know, and I was pushing the boundaries. And it probably could have got there. But I pulled the nose up before it hit that. Everything’s a fighter aiplane. I wasn’t far off, actually. Now that you’ve got me  reminiscing about it, whoa. I got some explaining to do after this.

What is the most alarming thing that has entered or exited your body?

Uh, a knife. No, I have not been stabbed. I wanted to be all edgy there. “It was a knife man.”

Notes

Audio only.

Recorded at the New Town Theatre.

RH notes that this is his 25th appearance at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, the first being in 1987.

This is TL’s second appearance.

TL had also been interviewed on an episode of Richard Herring’s Edinburgh Podcast Fringe (RHEPF).

At the end of the interview RH collects donations for Scope.

Edinburgh audience members given a free programme.

When asking the ice lolly question of TL, RH also requests TL clarify how he would craft a vagina.