Title: Tree Huggers

acast Time: 58:58
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: August 6, 2019
acast Publication Date: August 6, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s just had a Pret A Manger lobster roll. Ooh la la. Someone’s Fringe is going well. Or very badly.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lurgy Still Tenacious Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with 30 to 50 feral hogs today.

Guest Best Known
SD: For being a second unit director on Balsa Wood.
VS: For her appearance on Britain’s Favourite Crisps.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Colin in the front row
RH notes that he used to attend every show
described by RH as “an unsmiling presence”
has never had a foursome
Liam present

Emergency Questions

Sophie Duker

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Oh, I have never seen a ghost. The thing is I’m quite excited by the idea of ghosts and magic and poltergeists and stuff but I couldn’t verify that I’ve seen a ghost. *RH asks if SD has ever experienced an unexplained presence.* Yes, but then it turned out to be wind. I, so, I kind of – Oh no. I just said I didn’t believe in God and everyone thought I was cool and now I’m going to be like, “But I do believe in magic.” I kind of feel there’s, like, oh no. I went camping recently to get away from it all because I’m very stressed. And I went camping and I was in the woods and I felt like there was a sort of, like, Old Mother Willow-figure. Remember Old Mother Willow from Pocahontas? She’s a tree that talks. She’s like a discarded Ent. And, um – thank you [unclear]. Lord of the Rings. So anyway, I just felt like the trees around us were sort of protecting us. And I had to sort of, like, acknowledge the trees. So I did, like, a weird ritual I made up in my head of walking around the tent and sort of, like – Why am I telling people this? Oh God, okay. And sort of, like, lick the tree. That’s fine. Is that a ghost? It’s not a ghost. I felt like the trees were protective trees. Okay, hugging trees is amazing. I like hugging trees, especially when you’re on a run because they’re very grounded and you can sort of feel connected to the Earth.

If you had to do a human centipede with two other people, if you had to, but you could choose the two other people, and you’re in the middle, who would you choose?

No, no, I’m very familiar. I go to all the good parties. Um, I think at the back end, I don’t really care because it’s not a nice position: any reviewer. The front end, I think it would be… Do I have to pick a specific person? *RH states that it would be preferable but is not required.* I mean, the thing is that I kind of want them to be vegan, but I can’t think of any good vegans. Oh, Sara Pascoe. Oh, that’s quite weird for me to say. I think she’d try and get us through it. I think she’d try and be really chipper and make the best of it. Just like, “Sophie, I know this isn’t ideal…” *RH asks if having sex with another human centipede while in a human centipede holds any interest for SD.* While I’m attached by the face to an ass? Um. oh, I think group sex sounds like a lot of admin. I mean, if you’re all kind of sort of, like, a weird, horrible sexual conga line that is a human centipede I can’t imagine that a sexual encounter would be that fun. But I think sex with more than two other people… I think the thing is that if you have a foursome, you’re probably just going to split off into two teams. […] Yeah, I imagine you split off into teams and then a threesome is sort of exciting, like, sort of – what’s it – like diamond dancing. Where one person’s in front and you all sort of follow the moves. But any more than that I think would be horrible.

Ali’s Randomage: Have you ever flown a kite?

The bird or the toy? I wanted for ages to fly a kite because of Mary Poppins. You know, the bit at the end of the film? Uh, it wan’t fun. There wasn’t enough wind. I think I tried to do it on Hampstead Heath and it was very – a lot of running, trailing fabric. It was an anti-climax. *RH mentions it’s hard to get it up.* I mean, you’re 52 years-old, you’ve got two kids. I guess drones are the kites of today.

Would you rather have a tit that dispensed talcum powder or a finger that can travel through time?

Oh, I can make a little hole with my finger? Absolutely, fingering Boudicca, yes. I’d just get involved in lots of historical orgies. My finger smells like the Renaissance.

What is the most important thing you’ve ever unplugged to charge your phone?

Most important… Oh, oh. Charging your phone. Um, I think… Trying to think if there’s anything radical. Um, electric toothbrush, sure. Other people’s phones, all the time. Um, I think it’s always, there’s always the moment of fear when you’re in a theatre, like in my theatre, which is quite small. This is quite a big theatre, but there are a lot of plugs where you have no idea what they do. And you know that there are people doing shows that have been working on them for months and months and months and brought them up to the Edinburgh Fringe and it’s really important that the lights don’t cut out during that show. But you’ve got, like, 19% of battery. So you just *makes unplugging noise*. You take your chance. I never know if the ones on public transport that say “not for public use” work. That sounds like a dare. What could you plug in? Set up a little pop-up first-class. I’m going to set up a food stall.

Vikki Stone

I like your hair, but what was your most disastrous haircut? Warning: Don’t say the first bit to a bald person, or probably the second bit.

I’ve had several. Um, about five years ago I got a perm. Like, I don’t know what the fuck I was doing. I thought it might be ironic. I looked fucking ridiculous. So that was recent.

If you could have a sexual superpower, what would it be?

A sexual superpower. Well, it’s kind of not – it may be sexual. I did once think that it might be a really good superpower that if you looked someone in the eye they immediately shit themselves. Yeah, it’s kind of sexual but it’s also a proper superpower, isn’t it? Like, if I look at you – bam – you shit yourself. ‘Cause then, yeah, you’ve got to sort yourself out; you’ve got to go. I win. Oh yeah, absolutely. One hundred percent. Especially if it’s not solids.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yeah. Yeah. I used to live in an old – I used to live in an old – uh, old house, an old flat in the Docklands and there was definitely a ghost. I don’t remember what kind of format it was in, but the song Do You Know the Way to San Jose? would just randomly play out of nowhere. Yeah. It was, like, in a CD player and it was number four on the CD. So I decided we had a ghost that really like Do You Know the Way to San Jose? Or a broken CD player. I think it’s a ghost.

What is the most slapstick thing that has even happened to you in real life?

Well, this is kind of a slow burn slapstick thing, but a few weeks ago when it was 37 degrees – it was absolutely fucking boiling. I was doing a preview and I was wearing a new pink bra and a white t-shirt. Fine; you can see the pink bra a bit thorough the sort of straps. It was the detailing in the outfit. But gradually, throughout the gig, because the bra was new the dye was coming off. And I didn’t know this until I got offstage, but my tits were getting pinker and pinker throughout the show. And I was getting laughs in really weird places. And I was thinking, My show is good. I am nailing this. And I had absolutely no idea. And people were just randomly laughing and laughing together and looking at each other. I had no idea. But it was sort of a global hypercolour. It was just a bit sort of… Oh yea, something for everyone.

What is the most selfish thing you’ve ever prayed for and what do you think God made of your self-centered request?

I’m not a religious person. *RH asks if VS has ever been about to die and asked for assistance.* What, onstage in a stand-up sense? Yeah. There’s been many a gig with four stag do’s in. And then after 36 people are thrown out you’re like, My prayers have been answered. Um, I mean, I went to Wells Cathedral School, so I have to admit I like a hymn. Oh, I love a good sing, but I’m not a God person. But I will do the [unclear] to all carols. That’s where I am with religion. I think I may have once asked God for help finding a parking space in Soho. Because that’s notoriously hard. And actually I did find one right outside the theatre.

Notes

Audio only.

Recorded at the New Town Theatre.

RH states that Richard Osman came up with the emergency question about unplugging something important in order to charge your phone.

At the end of the interview RH collects donations for Scope.