Title: Gibbon Arms

acast Time: 1:01:08
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: August 8, 2019
acast Publication Date: August 8, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who is currently regretting having sex before marriage.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Losing Sense of Time Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging out with all the middle-aged men who’ve come to Edinburgh to do chat shows, ’cause it’s easier than writing stand-up shows.

Guest Best Known
SL: For her appearance on the The Roast of Helgi Steinar. And I’ll tell you, it’s about time someone took him or her down, whoever that is. They’ve been asking for it.
JR: For being the warm-up man for Queen on the 2014 New Year’s broadcast that they performed on. We’ll find out if Freddie Mercury was still with the band at that stage. I don’t know very much about them.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Snjólaug Lúðvíksdóttir

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Have you seen a ghost? *RH notes that there may be a crying dead baby haunting his house.* It’s a dead baby? Well, as ghosts go a dead baby is probably the best version of a ghost. That’s not very scary. Your home sounds creepy.

Have you ever stolen a golf buggy?

I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a golf buggy. I’ve never played golf.

What is the most stupid thing you’ve done for love?

Most stupid thing I’ve done for love? Ah, I don’t remember anything, like, stupid. I’ve drunk-dialed people, “Please love me,” and all of that. Um, I’ve had sex. Yeah, tht was stupid. Before marriage.

Would you rather have a neck like a giraffe or a tongue like a lizard?

A neck like a giraffe or a tongue… *RH describes a giraffe’s neck, thinking that SL may not be familiar with them, being from Iceland.* Oh, yeah that’s the long neck, okay. Thanks for that. Tongue like a lizard? Um, a tongue like a lizard. The neck would just be, I mean, in your way. You couldn’t be walking through doors. That would just be… And I could do some good things with a lizard tongue.

How often do you replace your pillows?

Uh, should I be replacing them? *RH advises that they should be replaced twice a year.* Twice a year? Why? I think I’ve had mine now for ten years. Just filled with bacteria. *RH notes that pillows could also contain spit.* Spit? What are you doing in your sleep? Drooling? Okay. I don’t drool. *RH notes that pillows could be full of jism.* I don’t think I have that problem either. But it’s obviously okay. I’m not still dead or sick or anything, so it’s just good bacteria.

John Robins

Do you or did you have a celebrity shag list?

Um, [my fiancée] wouldn’t let me sleep with any celebrities, nor would I want to. But, well, there’s a couple of ones – oh, God. What’s the next question, then?

Have you ever suckled on the dugs of a barren old woman?

Um, not since early childhood. I don’t know what that really means in that context. *RH elaborates.* Oh, like in a wasteland. What was it, an old woman with wrinkled dugs? No, I’ve only sucked on barren dugs through the form of poetry.

Have you ever had a crumpled ball?

No, but Tom Crane had a twisted testicle. And it is, it is much more of an emergency than it sounds, because you could die. And also it is like being kicked in the balls but the feeling never ends. I mean, I’m telling someone else’s story here, but the image that stuck with me was his parents driving him to A&E as he threw up out of the side of the car window because it was so painful. Can you imagine that?

Did you know that Jools Holland’s Hootenanny is pre-recorded?

Yeah, because I think I know who does the warm-up. It’s Kevin McCarthy. Because I – everytime I meet anyone who might have the slightest connection to Van Morrison, I’ll always ask them if they have any Van Morrison stories. The best person for Van Morrison stories, is your friend and mine, Ardal O’Hanlon. He’s got a couple of absolute hammers. But I think, yeah, Kevin McCarthy, I think, was doing a bit of warm-up when Van Morrison was on and was given short shrift.

Notes

Audio only.

Recorded at the New Town Theatre.

At the end of the interview RH collects donations for Scope.

RH recounts walking to the show and seeing a man with a placard warning against the sin of pre-marital sex.

RH notes that previous guest Scroobius Pip was outside the venue before the podcast taping.

This is JR’s third appearance.

RH jokingly claims that James Acaster and Josh Widdicombe stole the idea of Hypothetical from him.

During the recording, RH notes that “Gibbon Arms” will be the name of this episode.

The celebrity shag list emergency question is framed as the five celebrities that would be on their shag list.

JR reveals that while at school he used to do impressions of RH and sings the Peter Dibdin traffic light song.

RH tells story of attending a recording of Jools’ Annual Hootenanny and then watching it again on the actual New Year’s Eve.