Title: Donkeys

acast Time: 58:29
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: August 17, 2019
acast Publication Date: August 18, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who is currently living his own personal Groundhog Day.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lady Spencer’s Tragedy Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the busker who stands on the Meadow as I walk past every day, singing I Really Hate Busking. I don’t know if you’ve seen that guy.

Guest Best Known
SP: As the Postman on Special Delivery.
DC: For his two appearances on Lorraine.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Sunil Patel

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

Often, often. *RH names another.* Yeah, he’s doing very well. *RH names another.* That piece of shit. Right, he’s got the website I wanted, which is just sunilpatel.com. I want to get in touch. He’s such a nice guy though. Has he updated his blog recently? It’s way better than my website, that’s for sure.

What would it take for you to fellate the actor Keith Allen?

What would it take? Are we talking money? I’d really like to go to Tokyo. *RH notes that it may be necessary to have Keith Allen accompany SP on the trip, holding the return tickets and passports in trust until the final day when SP would fellate him.* That’s a good point. That’s a good point. But then what if we went on a holiday and then I’d had the holiday and I refused to fellate him. *RH notes that SP would be stuck in Tokyo.* I’d make it. I could do it. But I would never go back on a deal once it’s made. Just think about where in Tokyo I’d choose to fellate him. I’d go in cherry blossom season. I’d go to Disney World in Tokyo and fellate him there. Everyone’s gotta know – no, I’d do it in the open, yeah. *RH notes that Keith Allen could wear a Mickey Mouse costume.* Well then no one knows it’s Keith Allen – perfect. I was just fellating Mickey Mouse.

What age were you breastfed until?

I don’t know. *RH asks if SP was breastfed.* I don’t know. Can you tell from a person’s character? *RH notes that breastfeeding is meant to make a person more clever.* Does it? Well, I got a B and two D’s at A-levels. *RH suggests that SP didn’t latch properly.* Actually, I think I have… I’m a smoker, so I think that might mean I was breastfed because I’ve got an attachment to putting something in my mouth, like Keith Allen’s dick.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No. *RH asks if SP believes in ghosts.* Nah, not interested. No, I don’t like horror films but I just don’t want anything to do with it.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

What art? I only ever – whenever I go to the British Museum – I only ever make it around the Egyptian bit and get bored. Um, so I’d probably choose a tomb or something. Yeah, you could just lie in it. I’ll take a little pyramid. Yeah, I like that. With all my slaves. They used to terrify me as a kid, mummies, but now I’m into them. So yeah, I’d take a little pyramid.

What’s the least impressive thing you can spend a lot of money on?

Me – a car, I think. Yeah, I bought a car; I was really excited about it, and I got it and it was just so boring. It’s a Yaris hybrid. I was so excited about having Bluetooth, and now it’s just normal and dull. You get used to that level of comfort quite easily though, don’t you, I suppose?

Daliso Chaponda

Do you think you would have made a good sheriff in the Wild West?

I think I would because of Blazing Saddles. I think that was a template for me of what to follow. It would be absolutely great.

When was the last time you saw a donkey?

Last time I saw a donkey. Wow, this is amazing. It’s been years. And when I was a kid I rode a donkey in Somalia, so, but since then nothing. But the U.K. needs more donkeys. I will say that, like, cities where in the middle of town there’s cars, but also, like, donkeys and goats, are just better. They should just bring them back and have, like, instead of a horse racing season, do a donkey racing season. *RH notes that this existed in Somerset.* Really? I thought I was being silly.

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you at a funeral?

Okay. Ah, I know. Okay. So, I went to a funeral in Malawi, right? And they did this thing, I didn’t even know. I don’t know if it was a superstition or if it was just a thing that happened. So they bring out – everyone starts singing and they bring out the coffin. And then they put the coffin in the grounds and they just start covering it really quickly, right? As people are singing. And they have to finish covering the person up before the end of the song. And I just remember thinking, What if they don’t finish? Do they have to put the spades down? And it was just like – It was more my thought train. Being a comedian is a menace, right? No, it’s a menace because we think funny thoughts when we should be thinking funny thoughts, so, again, all I was thinking about was, Oh, this is like a new game show – Cover the Coffin. All kinds of silly, humorous things when it’s a really tragic situation. You need it. But I realize when I pass away I want my funeral to be funny. You know what I mean. You want comedy. That’s the great thing about having comedians, they’ll just come and do your gags and tell stories about you. And I’m like, that’s what you want your memorial to be like. It is, it is important. And again, I think there’s that joy is more joyous because of the pain, right? So you miss someone because you love laughing with them.

What is the most mundane encounter you have had with a celebrity?

Oh dear. Okay, mundane encounter with a celebrity. Oh, I should have thought this through. I can’t necessarily… Okay, um, I’m having… Who’s a celebrity? Yes, when I look in the mirror. No, I’ve no idea who’s a celebrity. It was Richard Herring, asking me this and I just –  No, the interesting thing is, like, I suppose it’s bad for you because I feel like I don’t see celebrities, really, because most of the people I see who are famous are comedians. And you just feel like you’re one of them. *RH asks which other celebrities were on Lorraine when DC appeared on the programme.* Oh, I’ve got it. I don’t know if it was mundane, but I met Pamela Anderson, right? And I couldn’t look her in the eyes, because I had so much shame. And that was, that was very funny because – That was very funny but I don’t know if it was mundane, but yeah. She’s very used to that. Everyone who was a teenager when she was on Baywatch, there’s lots of shame.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I would – the Liverpool Slavery Museum has got a KKK costume. It’s my favourite display. It’s just so funny going there and standing with white people looking at it and just, I just love going to – I would take that KKK costume. *RH notes that this is probably something that could be procured online.* No, authentic. This one has been worn by someone with true hatred. It’s a wonderful museum. *RH notes that at the entrance of that museum there’s an oil painting of a slave-owner.* “I’m going to be remembered forever.”


Audio only.

Recorded at the New Town Theatre.

At the end of the interview RH collects donations for Scope.

RH notes that he hasn’t had a drink all year.

RH mentions that a fan once got him to sign a Pointless trophy they had won.