Title: Teeth and Ecstasy

acast Time: 1:01:30
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: August 18, 2019
acast Publication Date: August 19, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who is worried that Al Murray might be the new messiah.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Leaving Second Trimester Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to Ned Ryerson on my walk here. Every day – you know, Ned Ryerson is an insurance salesman. Every day in the same place there’s a bit of a puddle in the pavement by where he is. To be honest, he’s getting on my nerves; I want to punch him in the face one of these days.

Guest Best Known
FB: For being the Bathgate Rotary Club’s Young Musician of the Year, 2001.
JL: For her appearance on Improvisation, My Dear Mark Watson.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Fern Brady

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes. I was in a council house in Bathgate, because – I don’t know why – Oh so, oh my God. My house in Catford in London is haunted. This is crazy. And the way I’ll tell you this, you will believe it [unclear] ghosts. So, I live in a part of London called Catford. It’s really horrific; there’s loads of, like, murders and stuff. The first night I was living there I could hear ghosty noises and I told my boyfriend and he was, like… Because in horror films there’s always one person who knows that the ghost is there and the other person doesn’t believe you. And I said, “I can hear ghost noises.” And he was, like, “It’s 4:00am. Do not wake me up about the ghost again.” So I googled our address and it came up on Wikipedia. A trans prostitute – sorry, I’m making sure I word this correctly – a trans sex worker in the ’70s was murdered by a guy that wanted to hide that they were lovers. There’s this who famous thing. And the ghost still haunts the house. So I found that out by googling my address after hearing ghost noises. And it’s been in ghost books, so that’s a real ghost, isn’t it? It taps at the window and stuff. We’ve got, like, a utility room and it’s not – it could be someone in the garden, basically. No, it’s a window into my bedroom on the inside of the house, and the ghost is tapping at it. Or it hits the walls as well. There was one in Bathgate, because people, well, people always make out that ghosts are in stately homes, but it makes more sense that the most wretched spirits would be in council houses in Bathgate.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

Yeah, probably a stuffed tiger. To be as a centerpiece for my living room. *RH notes that FB could purchase this on Ebay.* Aw, right enough, yeah. Yeah, yeah – probably that. I’ll tell you what I would love. Oh my God. When they have preserved bodies of saints. Yeah, oh, I love that stuff. Or what’s that… what’s that village where every year they dig up their dead relatives and walk them around the town? I’ll tell you, this is real. It’s somewhere in India or something. Basically, like, every year they dig up their dead grandparents, change their clothes, have a chat with them, and walk them around the town in a parade. It’s so cool; you should look it up.

Would you rather have a tit that dispensed talcum powder or a finger that can travel through time?

I never use talc. I don’t use talcum powder. Just dry yourself with a towel. What’s the other option? *RH advises of the second option.* But how will I know? *RH explains the physics of the time-travelling finger.* Well, obviously the finger. Did you make that up? *RH confirms.* No, did you pick those two? *RH confirms.* Well, the second one’s much better. I’ve been a lot more damp during the Fringe. Like, Edinburgh you’re just constantly clammy, because I’m not used to this weather. Yeah, yeah. I think this is the worst one since 2008 or 2009. Since you did the Hitler Moustache tour. *RH asks FB how she would use her time-travelling finger.* There’s just so much. The most obvious thing is I would go back and I would just say not to do two weeks of the [Edinburgh] Festival. I don’t want to, like – if anyone here [unclear] wants to see my extra show at the Pleasance on the 22nd, I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful, but I did start to email my agent last night and say, “What will it take to pull the next week of shows? Because I can’t do another one to these people anymore.” Because I don’t know what people want from me. I don’t know why some of them come. I’ve had people coming to the shows just because they went to school with me and there’s, like, people who didn’t like me at school. Why do they come? Yeah, someone who threatened to batter me at school was like, “Oh, I saw you on telly. You look good now. Your face looks panned-in from a hard life of [unclear]. I’ll still hit you.” Awful.

Josie Long

N/A

Notes

Audio only.

Recorded at the New Town Theatre.

At the end of the interview RH collects donations for Scope.

After failing to deceive his daughter about eating two donuts, RH states that she came up with her first catchphrase: “I didn’t trick for it, mate.” RH states that he will adopt this as one of his own catchphrases.

This is JL’s second appearance.

“Best Known” credit for JL is the same one used during her first appearance.

RH notes that he saw previous guest Mark Watson jogging that morning.

RH notes that he would like to have an episode that reunites the cast of Improvisation, My Dear Mark Watson.