Title: Clown Pyjamas

acast Time: 1:16:09
Youtube Time: 1:16:30

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: September 25, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: September 25, 2019

Please Welcome a Man
Who doesn’t care of the theatre is on fire, like Jason Manford does, the pussy.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Labia-Stretching Time Podcast

Cool Kids
I was having out at the KFC, Salford drive-thru. There’s some nice guys down there. They had a military-grade hand grenade with them. Just larking about.

Guest Best Known
For her appearance on Richard and Judy, where Richard Madeley told her that no one had laughed at her to begin with.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

What is the tamest image or thought that you have used for masturbatory purposes?

The tamest. I have had a sex dream at [unclear], to bring that back around. And that was, I met the Rock – you know, Dwayne Johnson – and he gave me some kittens. And that was it. I like kittens, I like the Rock. Tick, tick – done. I think it was probably, it’s probably a confused sort of metaphor, isn’t it? It’s probably I should have been giving him the pussy instead of him just handing it to me. Maybe that’s where it was going. I don’t know. But yeah, that’s pretty tame, isn’t it? *RH notes that he’ll use that as a masturbatory fantasy tonight and would let SM know how it went.* During, ring me during, I don’t mind. I could describe the kittens. One was tabby, one was… Whatever helps. Whatever helps. I think, because I quite fancy the Rock, but I think all I really want is to sit on his hand, like King Kong.

Do sperm have dreams?

Do they have dreams? It makes me sad if they do because they never realize their dreams, do they? Or like, one. Maybe if the dream was to get in the egg, maybe that’s every now and again. But mostly they’re just, you know, wiped on a curtain or whatever. *RH asks if that’s their aspiration.* Yeah, hotel curtains. Land on a mirror. *RH notes that he couldn’t hope to shoot his far.* *SM coughs.* That’s what yours are like.

What is your favourite cruciferous vegetables?

I don’t know what that word is. *RH names cress and broccoli as examples.* So, no, but what is the definition of the word? *RH deflects.* You don’t know, do you? So, things like cress of broccoli. Is that the two I’ve got to choose from? Tenderstem – that’s a kind of broccoli. Purple broccoli. Um, what is my favourite of the five we have named? Wll, cress is just something you grow as a kid. It’s not eaten, is it? I think I’m going to say Tenderstem broccoli, because it’s modern, isn’t it? And it’s less, it’s less sort of offensive on your plate. It doesn’t feel like the sort of veg your mom would make you have it. It feels a bit more middle-class now, doesn’t it? Because you can have it with a bit of garlic on it; something like that. Yeah. Tenderstem broccoli. *RH notes that it’s not all about wanking.* No. Sometimes I jus jam one up me though. ‘Cause it’s not when it goes in; it’s when it comes out. All the little bobbles and the knots and stuff. Fucking great. That and the Rock and I’m away.

Notes

Recorded at the Lowry Theatre in Salford.

This is SM’s third appearance, but the sixth time RH has interviewed her, overall.

RH notes that while Jason Manford was appearing in the adjacent theatre during the previous episode, an audience member’s phone caught on fire, causing the fire alarm referred to in the Jimmy Cricket episode.

After RH notes that he has been eating stir frys for breakfast lately, SM polls the audience as to whether they do as well (they do not).

RH notes that he used to masturbate to female contestants on Going For Gold.

RH and SM have an argument over who has “won” in their podcast scrimmages.