Title: Bohemian Rhapsody Karaoke

acast Time: 1:06:19
Youtube Time: 59:19

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: November 6, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: November 6, 2019

Please Welcome a Man
We’re back again for another week. And you can tell it’s a different week because the man presenting it isn’t wearing the same clothes.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Loquacious Sexist Talking Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging out at the Lady Godiva Clock, all the way over in Coventry; not in Warwick, like we are now. And Peeping Tom appeared out of the little window at the top. Not sure I approved of the way he’d been depicted.

Guest Best Known
As Brenda in Dream Stuffing. She was also Norman’s Wife in Hale and Pace, of course.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Have you ever been in a police car?

What, been arrested? Oh, I’ve been – yeah, I’ve been in cop dramas. I’ve been in so many police cars. As an actor, not as a villain.

What was the worst thing that a relative bought you something for Christmas that wasn’t quite what you wanted but you had to pretend to like it anyway?

When I was married to Paul Merton, which I was, he bought me a foot spa. Do you know, now, now in my latter years… And actually even at the time probably, I probably really wanted it, but because I was only in my twenties or something I felt it should be, I don’t know, sexy underwear or something. I didn’t want it to be a foot spa. Now I wish I’d kept it, because I could use it now. *RH claims that he will buy CQ a foot spa for her birthday.* You say that. It’s the 11th of July.

Do you think Noel Edmonds has ever spent a Christmas alone?

No, I don’t think he has. *RH posit that Edmonds would have been alone if not for the Christmas shows he was part of.* Do you? Were they live, then? Oh, I didn’t know that.

What kind of animal do you think the Teletubbies are?

I think – I feel like crying, you ask me that question. It’s such an innocent, beautiful question. I think they’re a sort of, um. I think they’re a bear-person-aerial. Do they still put it on the telly? Do children like it? Bit riveting. *RH notes that there are now baby Teletubbies, but that surely the original Teletubbies are babies.* No, no that’s wrong. Disgraceful.

What is the most pretentious book you’ve ever bought but not read?

À la recherche du temps perdu, by Marcel Proust. Yes I did. There, I said it. It’s thick as a step, like that *holds hands apart a width*. Actually, I did read the first page and think, Oh, this is quite enjoyable. But oddly never picked it up again. So, not that enjoyable. That is the most pretentious book, because I thought, when other people are at university and things, I was shuffle, hop-step, ball-changing behind Bernie Clifton. I know where I’d rather be. […] I will read it one day. I will read it one day.

If you had to put everyone called Smith in a league table based on their worth, who would be A) the best Smith, B) the median Smith, and C) the worst Smith. Only answer when you can give a name for all three Smiths.

Okay, Arthur Smith is my top, number one Smith. My second Smith is Bessie Smith, singer. My third, oh, and then I’ve got to have a bad Smith. The worst Smith is going to be, um, who’s a nasty Smith? *RH suggests Mike Smith.* Who’s Mike Smith? *Audience suggests Morrissey.* Yeah, I’ll take that. Morrissey is the worst Smith.

If you had to do a human centipede with two other people, if you had to, but you could choose the two other people, and you’re in the middle, who would you choose?

What is it? No, I don’t know what that is. Okay, hang on. Mouth to bottom? *CQ demonstrates what she thinks this might look like.* And I have to choose who’s behind and who’s in front? Okay, in front – ugh, I’m going to be sick. Um, that’s really. Oh God. Alright, in front is, um, God. Okay. It’s really difficult, this, isn’t it? And it’s not likely to happen, is it? We don’t know. *RH notes that if he’s guessed right, the two other sections of CQ’s human centipede are backstage.* In that case, bring on Johnny Depp and Steve Martin. I’d have Steve Martin up front. Now it all makes sense.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I – I haven’t seen one, but I have – When I was about 12 years-old I stayed at my sister’s cottage in Sussex. It was terrifying; it was so frightening. My bed – I was in a metal bed in this cottage and my bed shot – The bed shot across the room with me going like that *CQ gives a furious start*, and then shot back again. And then I tried to open the door but I couldn’t. I don’t know whether I was too nervous or something, but I could hardly breathe. So I haven’t seen a ghost, but I have been… moved by a ghost? I’ve been shunted across a room by a ghost. There was definitely something in the room. It moved me across the room. It was terrifying and I never went back upstairs in that house ever again. My sister lived there for years and I never went back upstairs. It was terrifying. It was terrifying. *RH asks whether anyone else in the house experienced this.* Well, no, my sister. But my sister and her then girlfriend said that there was an old lady who used to sit down by the fire and you used to smell ham cooking, when you went down some mornings. And they were both vegetarians, so it wasn’t them, but you would smell ham cooking. It was the most very, very old cottage. And weird. So, I haven’t seen one. No, sorry. Yeah, it was terrifying. It was honestly terrifying.

Notes

Recorded at the Warwick Arts Centre.

RH relates stories of PH asking him what sort of animal the Teletubbies are. RH states that he cried when hearing that. RH notes that this will be a new emergency question.

RH notes that while shopping EH stole a packet of fruit pastilles, in an RH-fashion. RH took them back to the store.

RH notes that EH has also recently been taking stones from a river and lining them up along the riverbed, in an RH-fashion.

CQ sings the chorus from Tell Him, by Quentin & Ash.

RH tells a story of a karaoke party, where Peter Baynham bet him £100 that RH would not sing Bohemian Rhapsody. RH notes that CQ came onstage to help him and be kind, and that RH never received the money from Peter Baynham.