Title: Christmas Presents for Ethiopia

acast Time: 1:01:46
Youtube Time: 1:01:16

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: December 4, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: December 3, 2019

Please Welcome a Man
Who has allegedly been filmed satisfying himself.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lice Sexually Troubling? Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the man dressed as Pikachu wandering around Brighton beachfront on a hot September afternoon today.

Guest Best Known
For being the narrator on Madame Tussaude’s: The Inside Story.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Mmmm. Have I ever seen a ghost? Have I ever seen a ghost? No, but I felt them. Is that not very…? I’m not Derek Acorah – is that what you’re asking? No, I haven’t seen one, but I feel – You know, when you walk into a building. *RH asks whether AG has groped a ghost.* I haven’t had a grope of a ghost; that’s a very weird thing to be… What’s that? What if it’s a girl ghost? Oh God. Weirdo. No, I haven’t, but I did a series on stately homes for Richard and Judy, which I wanted to call “Giles’s Pileses”, but they wouldn’t let me. They called it “Home Stately Home” – how boring is that? So anyway, and there were quite a few stately homes where I’d go in and go *makes shivering motion and noise*. You know, it’s cold here and all that. But I don’t see why ghosts always live in stately homes. *RH notes that large old homes can just be cold, without the presence of a ghost.* Colder than the rest of the house. But you can walk into a house, can’t you, and go, “Oh no, I don’t really like this.” Do you know what I mean? There’s a feeling in the bricks. Am I mad? *RH confirms that AG is mad.* Oh, I am mad. Good. I don’t mind. But I’m not Derek Acorah. That is good, isn’t it? Because I’m not throwing feathers around.

What do you consider the biggest waste of time from your life thus far?

How tempting is that? You’re just asking me to say this, but I’m not going to. The biggest waste of time. Well I often – because now, you know, when you’re old you suddenyl get a bit of wisdom, don’t you, which is wasted on completely because notbody listens to anything you say anymore because you’re old. Um, but I think the biggest waste of time is trying to impress people rather than trying to impress myself. Do you know what I mean? Give it up. Do you know what I mean? Yes, you’ve got a big car. Well done. Actually, I’m impressed that I’ve got a tiny, little car and it costs nothing to run. It’s really exciting and nobody ever thinks I’m speeding though I have got quite a few points. But do you know that I mean? I don’t need a big BMW. I want a little, tiny car; a little buzzy one that’s cheaper and I can spend money on shoes instead. Do you know what I mean? It’s like trying to – I found out that you go through life going, Yeah, I’m going to be really impressive, I’m going to be really impressive. Then I went, Actually, there’s nothing impressive about me at all. And then I thought, I’m just going to be normal. You know. And stop wasting time trying to impress people.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

Oh God. Now, if you thought you could like me this is really going to stop all that from happening. You’re going to really hate me now. I would take those bricks. Do you remember those bricks that someone threw paint over because they were an art installation. They were 134 bricks or something. I’d take those and donate them to somewhere that’s building houses for homeless people or something like that. I think that’s much better use of a brick. I’ve got no time for that sort of idiotic… *RH notes that AG could sell the art and give the money to a charity.* No, I’d rather the bricks because then it still exists as a sort of frippery and a pointless piece of wankery. I’d much rather just donate it to some housing association or something.

Notes

Recorded at the Brighton Theatre Royal.

RH advises that the field where he collects stones lit on fire.

RH tells story of seeing Princess Diana at Wimbledon.