Title: The Marx Brothers

acast Time: 1:02:53
Youtube Time: N/A

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: December 27, 2019
Youtube Publication Date: N/A

Please Welcome a Man
Who this week accidentally drank a real beer.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Last Show of the Teenies Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging out at Hull University the other day with the miserable, dead poet Philip Larkin; and he says it fucks you up, you’re…

Guest Best Known
For her performance as Suzy in Millie Inbetween.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed commented upon cress given to RH as a gift
set up RH for his hoary cress joke

Emergency Questions

Which kid at your school had the worst schoolbag?

I mean, I did go to school in Hull. They didn’t have bags. What happened, you used to get really picked on – and the audience will know – if you had to come in with a Kwik Save carrier bag. That’s when you got – when you could get picked on. Depending on the level of supermarket. You sort of save the good supermarket mags. And then, if your mum gave you a Kwik Save or a netter – You’d die if you had to take a netter carrier bag in.

Which celebrity do you think is the most likely to have a collection of the severed fingers of his or her victims made into a bizarre necklace that he or she wears when they’re away from the spotlight?

Ken Livingstone.

Have you ever kept a secret and never told a single soul about it?

Oh, I can’t really say because it’s about a family member. But genuinely, I can’t keep secrets. I spread secrets, you know. I hear things, like, showbiz gossip, you know. And then I tell someone else, but I’ll, like, reinvent a bit, you know. I’ve spread some terrible rumours. *RH requests examples.* Yeah, oh, I could never, ever tell it.

Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.

Well, I used to  – quite a few people – because I used to be a magician’s assistant in Harrod’s. Yeah, on the fifth floor, so that lift I’ve seen all sorts going down in that lift, yeah. Well, I’ll tell you what, *bleep censored*. And she’d just had a facelift and a bit of her ear fell off. And I went to pick it up and the manager said, “No, if he wants it, she’ll come back for it.” It was a bit of it. It wasn’t an earring; it was her ear. Quite gristly. I’m just telling you. Arnold Schwarzenegger – my height. He’s about 5’1.5″ and a half. But I’d say he’s about 5’3″. Honestly; tiny man. Never know it, would you? *RH notes that he looks taller that this in movies.* I don’t know how they do it. Magic, isn’t it? Magic of movies. Must do something, because he’s a tiny man. No, it was Arnold  Schwarzenegger. *RH asks whether Schwarzenegger was nice.* Yeah, he was lovely. Yeah, Johnny Depp – met him. Yeah, he bought a rocking horse. Yep. *RH asks whether Harrod’s made LB sign a non-disclosure agreement regarding the celebrities she met.* A bit. I nearly ended up in Al-Fayed’s personal office. He sort of, I won’t say grooms, but they sort of – but the build-up, there’s a build-up to working on the office where they test of they can trust you. Can I get sued for any of this? *RH confirms that LB can.* Okay, so I was doing my magic tricks and he came up behind me and just whispered in my ear, “They killed her.” *RH asks what magic trick LB was performing at the time.* I was doing cup and balls. Oldest magic trick in the world. Because you think there’s three cups and there’s three balls. There’s not, there’s four balls. You’re hiding a ball.

What is your favourite cruciferous vegetables?

So cress is yours. Yes, I do like broccoli. *RH comments that he likes the word “cruciferous”.* Yeah, its lovely, isn’t it? To be crucified, is it? *RH notes that this is possible, then asks LB how she cooks her broccoli.* Um, I cook it on top of the oven. *RH asks whether LB boils it.* Oh no, I steam it.

Notes

Audio only.

Recorded at Hull City Hall.

This is LB’s second appearance.

This episode is the last one recorded in 2019.