Title: A Spice Girl Broke My Toilet Seat

acast Time: 1:03:45
Youtube Time: 1:03:02

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: January 8, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: January 8,2020

Please Welcome a Man
Who, despite what rumours you may have heard, is not having an ice cream party.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Labrador Speciesism Tribunal Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging out on Richmond Park the other day and a baby that had just been delivered by Brian Blessed – he was just spitting out its umbilical cord.

Guest Best Known
For his appearance on the red carpet at the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King premiere.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed When TF gave his response to the gallery/museum item emergency question, this audience member said, “Bravo”.

Emergency Questions

Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?

Yes, but it all started with a big joke around a skipping rope.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No, but a TV turned off once. Yeah, I remember I convinced myself it was a ghost when I was a kid. I would have been about eight years-old and I remember having – Do you remember having TV’s that were built into the radio and it was a little cube with wire things. I don’t know. I had that. And it had a little snooze touch things where you touch the top of it and it would go to sleep. What I didn’t realize was that – as a child – I must have knocked the snooze button. I was watching this little TV and it just went *makes sound of TV turning off*. And I thought, Ooh, a ghost has turned it off. No, I don’t think I’ve seen a ghost. No.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I would like to own the everlasting gobstopper from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Yeah. No, but the original Willy Wonka everlasting gobstopper was like a little mine covered in different shapes and whatnot. I’ve seen it. It has been sold. I saw it on the TV show Pawn Stars and it’s sold. So, weirdly enough, I do know that it is in a museum in Vegas, which is another reason why I’m in Vegas. Because my whole mission is to steal the gobstopper. Its part of my [Grand Theft Auto] plan.

Overall, wouldn’t you rather your family just totaled up how much Christmas costs and then divided that sum of money equally between you all?

We cancelled Christmas in our house. Yeah, it was a genuine decision. *Cheer from audience member.* One person clapping. Yeah, it was just because we, we all grew out of it, to a degree. It just got a bit silly for us to be buying gifts for each other that no one really wanted. And we tried to limit it to a just spend $50 kind of thing and then it just turned into this thing of going, “Why don’t we just enjoy each other’s company and have a really nice meal together?” And that became more about the spirit of Christmas. Buy yourself a present. But also I grew up with a New Zealand Christmas. So it’s summer, so you have a barbecue and you go to the beach. So I only discovered Christmas in this country in, what, 2007, and that’s when I went, Okay, the meal makes sense. The number of people in New Zealand who try to cook a full Christmas dinner in, like, 29 degrees, 32 degrees. And you’re sweating trying to cut a turkey or some shit? I’ve sweated out Christmas.

Who is the best Benny?

The best Benny? Isn’t it Benny & Frankie? Yeah, the restaurant chain. *RH asks whether Benny is the best.* Well, he does better than Frankie. He got named first. *RH points out that the restaurant name is actually Frankie & Benny.* Oh no, it is. But it’s not Frankie & Frankie. And it’s not Benny & Benny. So of Frankie & Benny he’s the best Benny.

Have you ever been on a plane that’s been in an emergency and seen a genuine look of fear on the face of a flight attendant?

No. No. I’ve got a good friend, David Young, who has though. And he’s afraid of flying. And I keep forgetting that he’s afraid of flying. And then I’ve seen all the flying shows as well, so I keep mentioning all the accidents. Occasionally he will tell me off very seriously. Yeah, I think he had a situation that was he saw panic and terror. And I forget that and I make jokes. Oh, I stood up to quick on a plane once and fell over. If there was a moment of panic and terror, I had it. I don’t know. I think there was a lot of altitude and a lot of red wine. Maybe a Valium. I don’t know. I’m a very nervous flyer.


Recorded at the Richmond Theatre.

TF also known as Sam Wills.

RH discusses writing emergency questions and most adults’ inability to do so.

Cock-sucking emergency question framed as whether Tape Face has ever tried to suck his own cock.

When asking the emergency question regarding the best Benny, RH advises that his favourite is Benny from Top Cat.