Title: Lock Keepers

acast Time: 1:03:53
Youtube Time: 1:03:57

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: January 10, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: January 10, 2020

Please Welcome a Man
Who is Richard Herring, version seven.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Loving Soleros Thrilling Parties

Cool Kids
I was hanging around in the Railway Tavern in Richmond in 1994, playing the Addams Family pinball all day long on one go. One pound. I was very good at it. And during the Mamushka, Thing told me he calls it…

Guest Best Known
For his performance as Pornbroker Alan, uncredited, in Tomb Raider, the 2018 film.


Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I think I felt – I felt one. I can’t say, “Yeah, I saw a ghost,” but my aunty Melanie, who I think is probably a vampire, um, when I kind of ran away from my mum, at points when I did where I was, like, 15, I’d always go and stay on my aunty Melanie’s couch. Um, and I think she’s like a conduit of some kind. Um, and in her front room I would feel them. And I think I’d even go, I don’t know if I can get this, but I used to, we’d have, you know, drink team all day and stuff and smoke fags and then she’d go to bed. I could hear the cups moving on the table. Yeah, it was awful. Just literally terrifying. *RH notes that there was another person living in the house, and that it may have been them sleepwalking and moving things around.* Well, that’s pretty scary, isn’t it? It’s not as scary, sure. No, I mean, granted it’s not as scary. I don’t know My mum’s one of eight sisters and they’re all fucking a bit, a bit, you know, I think they sense things. I think they sense higher bullshit.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I don’t know. Okay, can I come back? Well, maybe, like, an Antony Gormley. One of those things. Like, him. His metal hims. That’s kind of cool, right? *RH asks NF hether he’d put it in his bedroom.* Yeah. I’d just pop him in next to my girlfriend. Then she can feel there’s someone there. You know, a human form.

Do you think if you have sex with a robot that should count as cheating on your partner?

No, unless it’s sentient. I mean, is a Fleshlight cheating? I fucking hope it isn’t. It depends if the lid you use it “Ex-Girlfriend’s Mouth;” if you had one specifically made. Then I feel like that kind of would be cheating. What if it didn’t have skin on? What if it was just the metallic bits with a working anus? But that doesn’t seem so bad, right? That seems more palatable. *RH comments laughingly on NF’s “working anus” comment.* Just one way. That doesn’t seem so cheat-y, does it? That’s another chapter in my book.

If you had to do a human centipede with two other people, if you had to, but you could choose the two other people, and you’re in the middle, who would you choose?

Okay, I’d have Boris behind me – Johnson. And I’d like a girl that didn’t eat much in front of me. Or a boy that didn’t eat much. *RH asks NF if this was the question he thought he would be getting.* No, I thought you were going to ask what ideally would be my position. *RH asks NF what his ideal position would be in the human centipede.* I’d want to be in the front. I, honest to God, if I were in the front I wouldn’t give a shit. I would see any downside to being in a human centipede. […] As long as you’ve got the telly. *RH muses as to whether one could wriggle out of the stitches that attach one to the other segments of a human centipede.* I don’t know. Maybe. I think once they start to rock, then perhaps you could. That’s a chapter in the book. Of course, once mum died I became a human centipede.


Recorded at the Richmond Theatre.

This is NF’s second appearance.

RH discusses being an old father.