Title: Woody Allen Lift Horror
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Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.
Woody Allen. What it was was I was standing, basically – this is the whole story, right? And I don’t know whether this – but this happened. I was in the toilets at the hotel in Cannes in the main hotel. And I was in the hotel and I was a bit pissed. And Woody Allen came into the toilet. And I went, and I thought, I remember about Steven Spielberg. I thought, Don’t fucking talk to him, right? So I just went into the cubicle. And I don’t know whether it was him, but somebody went into the cubicle next door, and I heard them going, *makes grunting noise.* So when I got in the lift I didn’t say anything and I was going up in the lift, and he was going up in the lift. And I was just standing there and the elevator went, “Bing!” And I walked out of the lift. And just as the lift doors shut he went, “I heard you laughing.” And I always dreamed – Woody Allen is a massive hero of mine – he really is. I always thought I’d be sitting with maybe a glass of brandy one night talking to him. “You know, Woody, I fancy your material.” Not listening to him having a shit.
Recorded at the Stand in Newcastle.
RH notes that he once owned a quince tree.
RH notes that the “Facts” page on DJ’s website inspired the lift emergency question.