Title: Oklahoma

acast Time: 1:02:43
Youtube Time: 1:01:47

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: January 31, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: January 31, 2020

Please Welcome a Man
Whose life has been disrupted by squirrels.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Languishing Sub Time Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the Angel of the North the other day. He’s a big fan of the podcast. When I asked him how much he liked it, he said, *spreads arms*.

Guest Best Known
For his role as Johnny Dee Hellfire in Zombie Women of Satan.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Unnamed owned both Zombie Women from Hell and the sequel

Emergency Questions

Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.

Uh, Noel Edmonds. He didn’t say much. He’s very short. And if you watch on Deal or No Deal he has, like, little bits that he walks along, which are, like, a foot off the ground. And everyone else stands in their little holes. Yeah, I don’t remember much. I always say to people, “He had an office on the ground floor because he couldn’t reach.” But that didn’t happen. He was genuinely in the lift, but nothing happened. I didn’t say anything to him. He didn’t say anything to me. I was surprised at how short he was. He’s the kind where you thought – you know, when you used to be a kid and you used to go on your knees and put your mom’s slippers… He looked like he was doing that.

What is the worst thing that a cow has done to you?

Um, cows unnerve me and chased me when I was doing the [unclear] work with my dad. Um, but it was in a group – a herd, I believe. I believe that’s what they call them. They just, kind of, chased us. But I don’t – they were still quite – I don’t want it to sound like I was in more jeopardy than I was. But I did have a friend whose car was jumped on by a cow. And it made the local papers, the evening chronicle. The cow didn’t know what he was doing. He was driving and suddenly this cow landed on his bonnet. I don’t know if the cow was doing a dare. “Go on, Terry. Now!”

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you in a B&B?

I have stayed in bed and breakfasts. Uh, not really. I stayed in one in London that was horrible, where everything was chained to the floor and that. But nothing creepy, really. I’ve always had quite a nice experience in the B&B’s. Um, I don’t believe in ghosts and stuff like that.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No, I’ve seen them on telly and that. That doesn’t mean they’re real. *RH starts naming Ghostbuster movies, including the “Woman Ghostbuster movie,” which RH says is the scariest because women ghosts are the scariest.* They are in my life, yeah. Yeah, my favourite song mentions a ghost. It’s by a Canadian folksinger called Gordon Lightfoot. Called If You Could Read My Mind. Check it out.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I’d have that half a cow. See if I can find who’s got the other half. Set up a date. You know like when you get them lockets that are, like, half a heart? And you have half and I have half. And then one day, “Oh!” Could be the cow that jumped on my mate’s car.

If you had a finger that could travel through time…

That’s a tough one, isn’t it? Yeah. I might poke… Who’s the poet who wrote I Wander Lonely as a Cloud? *RH notes that the writer was William Wordsworth.* I might slap him across the head just as he’s writing that. Well, I don’t think clouds are lonely. Fucking hundreds of them. I’m lonely. I would love to be a cloud. Who wouldn’t? If someone said to you, “You want to be a cloud for an hour?”, most people would, wouldn’t they?

Notes

Recorded at the Stand in Newcastle.

RH reads a list of facts about Newcastle that he found online.