Title: Glass Pyramid
Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: February 12, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: February 12, 2020
Please Welcome a Man
Who just put a bet on and got the right score and everything, but he cashed out too soon, the idiot.
Richard Herring’s Lubricating Sabre-toothed Tigers Podcast
I was hanging out at the Yorvik Viking Centre. I love going there because you can do farts in there and say it’s a smell from the olden days. If you smelled my farts today you’d find doubly funny, And a man dressed as an animatronic slave-trader… He wasn’t a man; he was an animatronic slave-trader.
Guest Best Known
For two things. He’s the second-most famous comedian who supports York City [F.C.]; and the level of the first-famous is quite low, so we don’t need to get too excited. And because he played Seb MacDonnell in Doctors.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
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Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.
Okay can I have two answers? Okay, one was Barry Cryer, who I walked in and he was in the lift. And he said, “Hello, Im old.” That was quite nice. And then Paxman was the other one. *RH confirms that he has also been in a lift with Jeremy Paxman.* He just sort of loiters around the lobby. The first three times I went to the BBC, Paxman came out of the gents’ at the exact point I walked up the stairs. I was like, how often… The maths on that is mind-boggling. How often must he be in there for that to have happened three times in a row? *RH suggests some medial ailment.* It might be. I mean, I wouldn’t want to diagnose him on a podcast. Then another time the doors opened and I got onto a lift with him.
Who is the most famous person you’ve asked to dance?
Oh my God; I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone to dance in my life. No – what if they say no? *RH asks whether DR has ever been asked to dance.* Um, yeah. No one famous. When does that happen?
If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?
Well, it’s not art, it could just be the security guard in the corner? I’d quite like to take the glass pyramid from the Louvre so that everything gets wet. I’d be fine. I’d be sat on my sofa under it – with my TV inside, I think, rather than on the other side. There’d be quite a lot of distortion otherwise. I’ve taken it back home; I’ve not just moved it sideways and then just set up shop in their courtyard.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
I was doing Karaoke Circus at the 100 Club in Oxford Street, and, uh, I went into what they had – a tiny little backstage green room area and there was a chair store cupboard that was, like, one door-wide but then went right back into the darkness, like a long, corridor thing where they would just stack the chairs. And out of the corner of my eye I saw an almost skeletally-think woman, dressed in sort of white strandy dress, muttering to herself in the corner, counting a rosary bead. I was like, Fucking hell. And then I took a second look and it was Bridget Christie, who was nervous about doing Kate Bush. So that’s the only time I thought – and it was for a split second – I thought I’d seen a ghost. She might be a ghost. It’s possible. But, you know, she held the microphone later that evening, so I don’t know if they can do that.
Have you ever tried to suck your own cock?
I genuinely had a think about this before coming out. To go: do I, did I, have I? And you know what? I think I’ve sort of looked at the mechanics of it and not even bothered trying. Yeah. *RH asks whether DR would like to try it this evening.* Not really. Not when I’m so loose already. I think that would be a mistake. For that reason and that reason alone it would be a mistake.
Would you rather have a tit that dispensed talcum powder or a finger that can travel through time?
Well, obviously the finger that can travel through time.Only the finger. Am I aware where it is? 1066: The Battle of Hastings. *RH defines the various mechanics of this proposition, including that the finger can travel through time and space, which is necessary since the world has moved over millennia.* Otherwise your power is to get a very cold finger. “I wish I had the talcum powder!” Wow. Could I avert assassinations by tapping people on the shoulder at the right moment? Could I do that? *RH notes that DR could nudge the gun.* Oh, that’s better. Shoot somebody else. Just nudge it to… “Another innocent bystander was killed today in the presence of an American president.” *RH mentions that DR could put his finger up the barrel of the gun.* That’s not going to help. That is just going to obliterate my finger, isn’t it? I mean, I’m not a fire arms guy, but I’m pretty sure if you put your finger up the barrel of a gun the bullet doesn’t just bounce back. But what an awesome responsibility. If, by changing the course of history, you know, JFK isn’t assassinated, or whoever, then things are even worse. Then I have to try and undo everything I’ve done with only a finger. *RH notes that thi is a one-time opportunity without the ability to reverse the changes.* Oh really, I’ve screwed it all up? […] Do you have the full force of your arm attached to your finger? It’s not just, sort of, the power to wiggle? You can shove. You can shove it.
Recorded at the Grand Opera House in York.
DR is ill during this recording.
Brief moments of this recording were bleep censored.
Episode makes references to the previous interview with actor Richard E. Grant. At the request of Grant’s team that episode was not released.
After both the cock-sucking and the talcum powder/time-travelling finger emergency questions were asked, the audience cheered.
During the time-travelling finger emergency question, RH posits a scenario where someone uses this power to save Jesus from crucifixion, noting that he would like to write a film with this story line.