Title: Voluntarily Shitfaced
Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: February 28, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: February 28, 2020
Please Welcome a Man
Who has been wandering around Oxford with la recherche du temps perdu.
Richard Herring’s Longing for Student Time-Machine Podcast
I was hanging out in the Oxford Story – the fantastic – that I presume is still here, ’cause it was so amazing. I was there in 2007. It’s like a very slow roller coaster, where you travel around on a desk and look at a mannequin of Lewis Carroll in a bad wig. They should never have closed it down. This is worse than the Tales of Robin Hood. And a man pretending to be Percy Bysshe Shelley said he called it…
Guest Best Known
For his appearance on Celebrity Catchphrase – surely the greatest ITV quiz show that there is, after Tipping Point obviously.
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Have you ever been put into a poisonous coma by hornets?
Nearly. Walking holiday, 1981. Wye Valley, 1981. Both of them in the summer, as I know it. I missed all of it because we were walking in the valley and a guy called Raymond Link, I think, had an anaphylactic reaction. Arms swelled to one-and-a-half – possibly even two times, two-and-a-half times, maybe – the size it usually is. And Mr. Ashenhurst, I think it is, our English teacher went, “I don’t know if you were aware, but there’s a common English phrase, ‘Don’t stir a hornet’s nest.'” And he thought he was being funny and the rest of us were all in agony. Didn’t find it funny at all. So I think I have been put into a near-coma by a hornet.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
No. I did go to a wedding in Calcutta many, many years ago, which we didn’t want to go to because we didn’t know anybody there. But my dad said to me and my sister, “You’ve got to go. My brother said he’s dying to meet you.” And you can guess where that story goes. We got there and he was dead. We met him on a slab. I don’t think that quite counts as a ghost. That’s the closest.
If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?
Maybe Hieronymus Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights. Because I don’t know if you’ve seen it, it just never stops. I’ve never seen any painting with more on it and more detail. You could look t it for five days and then you go, “Oh, there’s two goblins fucking.” It’s the one that will keep you occupied for the longest.
Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.
It’s not the life I’ve led, mate. I can’t honestly give you a true answer to that question. It’s just never happened. If I could remember, I’d tell you, but it’s just never happened.
Who is the most famous person you’ve asked to dance?
No, no, no. Parkinson’s. No, I’m not a dancer. […] We’re thinking of getting, because me and Ollie, neither of us like to dance, we think we’re going to hire people wearing masks with our faces on them so that we’ll be ever-present on the dance floor during our wedding. Neither of us are dancers.
If you and your four best friends were in the Spice Girls, what would be your Spice names? This is a trick question. The names are easy; the real question is to work out who your four best friends are.
Wow. Manesh would be – it’s quite, it’s quite a long nickname – Manesh, my friend from medical school, would be The Guy Coincidentally Also Called Sinha So That At His Son’s Cricket Games Everyone Goes Up To Him And Goes “You’re Not The Guy Off The Chase“. Then there is Dave and he’s a medical friend of mine. And he is Possibly Infertile Spice. Another Dave, who runs a website company now, who is a comedian who I used to really fancy in the noughties. And his nickname would be If I Didn’t Fancy Him Or Write Really Good Material In The Noughties I Wouldn’t Be Here Now Spice. So that’s three. And the fourth one is Duncan, again from medical school, who is Mention Me On Your Wikipedia Page Or I’m Going To Vandalize It Spice. And thanks to him there was a story on my Wikipedia page for at least a few years that I once ate a family-sized pork pie in a test match for England and India at the Oval. It was India-Sri Lanka, so…
Of the four friends you chose to be in your Spice Girls band, and who you’ve given funny names, how many do you think would have chosen you to be in their Spice Girls band?
Um, three I think. Not Dave the website guy. I was at his wedding but I wasn’t A-list. But the other three, absolutely. I was best man for two of them.
If you could have a hand made of ham or an armpit that dispensed sun cream, which would you prefer?
A hand… I don’t think a hand made out of ham is much use for me now. So I’m going to skip that. It’s just going to fall everywhere, so I’m just going to go for the armpit and the sunscreen and be done.
Would you rather have a tit that dispensed talcum powder or a finger that can travel through time?
I’d like a finger that could travel through time. *RH asks where PS would send his finger.* To before I did all the boxing fights. Muhammad Ali-Foreman – one of the greatest sports events of all time. I’d have liked to travel through time… Actually, do you know what I would do, having only heard this question for the first time? If I had a finger that could travel through time I would just go to 1930’s and pick up Donald Bradman and take him to the 1980’s and have him bat against the West Indies [unclear] of the 1980’s and see how fucking impressive he is then.
Recorded at the Oxford Playhouse.
This is PS’s second appearance.
At the time of recording, RH had not had an alcoholic drink in 300 days.
The emergency question about being put into a poisonous coma by hornets was inspired by George Monbiot’s story during the previous episode.
The ham hand/sunscreen armpit emergency question received a cheer from the audience.