Title: The Bollywig

acast Time: 1:21:50
Youtube Time: 1:20:42

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: May 6, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: May 6, 2020

Please Welcome a Man
We have got – amazingly – exactly the same number of people in the audience as last week. It’s the equal biggest show ever.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Langsiders Survive on Tapas Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around at the Big Hub in Bridgetown, as seen in the documentary Molly and Mack. And Mrs. Juniper, from the café, says that she calls it…

Guest Best Known
For his Sky News tribute to Peter Stringfellow.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: Better
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Member Member Note
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Emergency Questions

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

The Mona Lisa. So people would come and visit and they’d have to pay to come in. Just the most popular one. Or I could get it and fucking burn it. In my stream comments: “Watch tonight at ten o’clock. [Unclear] Limmy: I’m burning the Mona Lisa. And I really am.

If you only had a week to live, who would you tell to go fuck themselves?

Oh, well I do that anyway. What I’d want to do – and I’ve thought about this before – I thought if I only had a week to live, or I thought I was going to fucking – No, I wasn’t going to top myself, because if I was in that state I wouldn’t do anything, but if I only had a week to live I thought to myself before I would go and murder some gangsters or something; or murder some people who have it coming to them but nobody’s doing anything about it. [Unclear]. Just, like, fuck it. But then they would probably torture my son to death or something like that, so there’s no point. I’d kill – I would kill certain people. I would kill a certain person that’s on the telly a lot. And I can’t say… I would kill some bad people. I wouldn’t just tell them of. I can do that any time. I would kill them and you wouldn’t spend one fucking day behind bars because Scots law. Kind of like for humanitarian reasons and all that. You know, like the Lockerbie guy he got sent him because he had cancer. They’re not going to put me… They would just be, “Fuck it, let him go about doing what he fucking wants. Find someone else. Honestly, the paperwork involved in killing someone is going to be about five days. Just keep him there. He’s only going after the bad ones anyway, so fuck it.”

Do you think that you’d make a good pope?

A good pope? I would make a good pope and I would try and do something well. I think I would make a good pope, like people who… who want the pope to be the pope. They might go, “That’s not what the pope would do.” I would do certain things but I suppose I wouldn’t be a very good pope because I would try to do things a bit differently. But it’s just any job – you do your best. So what you do: you need to take one from there, put that there, and you need to turn that thing up to twelve. Okay, I’ll do the best I can. Do it to the best of your ability. *RH suggests that L play and stream on Twitch some sort of game related to this idea.* Virtual Pope Simulator 2. What is the current one? Has he got a number? It’s like Benedict XIII, or something, the last one. Has this one got a number? There was Pope John Paul II, then there was Benedict XIII, I think? *RH refers to a “Nazi” pope.* I don’t want to talk about that stuff in Glasgow. […] I don’t know. It’s not really up to me, being a pope or not being a pope. That’s up to the [unclear] people, you know. I know it’s 2019, but things are still held together with Blue-Tack and Sellotape.

Notes

Recorded at the Theatre Royal in Glasgow.

This is L’s third appearance.

RH recounts his first time in Glasgow as part of the Oxford Review in July 1988.