Title: Empty W*nk Bank

acast Time: 1:30:45
Youtube Time: 1:28:44

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: May 27, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: May 27, 2020

Please Welcome a Man

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Live-Streaming on Twitch Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with myself in self-isolation, and I call it…

Guest Best Known
As the ghost of Prince Quintus in Stardust.


Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note

Emergency Questions

Is there an author who you would have liked to have heard read their own books on an audiobook from the past, before this technology existed?

Are we imagining that they are going to be any good at reading it? Because you never know – Charles Dickens might have had a clicky mouth. You know, there’s all manner of quite distracting and irritating vocal ticks that you get with audiobooks. I downloaded one the other day and I won’t say who it is. I’m just trying to scan forward in this anecdote to check for potential problems. It’s, like, quite a serious, sad memoir about someone who loved their mum and then she got ill and died. And it’s all about the process of grieving for this guy’s mum. And it was written by someone roughly our age; same sort of social background or whatever. And the guy they got to read the audiobook is just nothing like the fellow who wrote it whatsoever. It sounds as if they got a sort of aging thespian to read the audiobook and he reads it *laughs* so it’s all just stuff like *in dramatic, whispery voice*, “He reads it in this voice like this. And, um, so he’s talking about his mother and saying she used to bake the most marvelous cakes. And I would come into the kitchen and say, ‘Mum, I love your cakes.'” You know, and it’s just going full-on with the thespy read. And it just completely destroys it. And I had to stop reading it after a while. For a bit it was fun; it was quite good. *In same dramatic, whispery voice:* “I was seeing my mates more and more often in those days and feeling very excited about the prospect of getting it together with my new girlfriend.” I don’t know. I’m not doing justice to the actual text, but it’s all that sort of pitch. I’d like, you know, James Joyce doing Ulysses; something with weird language. Like, I listened to the audiobook of Clockwork Orange the other day – Anthony Burgess – and of course that’s all written in Nadsat, this weird, made-up semi-Russian language that the dudes all do. And who was the guy that read it? Argh, he’s an actor and he’s British and he’s… Anyway – *RH suggests Hugh Grant.* No, not Hugh Grant. I think maybe – is it even the guy who does the… Oh, I’m embarrassed that I’ve forgotten his name, because I should know it. *RH suggests James McAvoy.* No, but not a million miles away. Maybe the guy who does the sitcom about the refugee who comes to the UK… Rufus Jones? I’m not sure it’s Rufus Jones, reading. This was a bad tangent. I apologize. But anyway, that was very good. Whoever reads that, it’s a fairly recent one and it is brilliant, that Clockwork Orange one.


This is AB’s fifth appearance.

This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.

RH is recording this the day after his 8th anniversary with Catherine Wilkins.

Before self-isolation was instituted, AB was meant to be interviewed alongside Joe Cornish before a live audience.