Title: Isolation, My Dear Mark Watson

acast Time: 1:24:04
Youtube Time: 1:27:57

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: June 10, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: June 10, 2020

Please Welcome a Man
N/A

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lockdown Sexual Tension Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the old lady who drives a mobility scooter around the field where I do my stone-clearing this morning.

Guest Best Known
As being the engineer in The Lift. Who am I kidding? I never do the same one twice, but he is best known for his appearance as Mark Watson on Improvisation, My Dear Mark Watson.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
Andy McH via the chat function in Twitch, advises RH not to explain the recent Me 1 vs. Me 2 snooker frames to MW, noting that RH sounds crazy when he does
King Rob via the chat function in Twitch, advises that MW’s 24-hour comedy marathon will be available on twitch.tv/watsoncomedy

Emergency Questions

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

I haven’t been. *RH asks whether MW could get away with pretending to be the Mark Watson in question.* I’d say those Mark Watsons are quite distinct from me and my [unclear]. Well, rather that Mark Watson. I feel like – you’ve got three haven’t you? I reckon that sounds like a tough Mark Watson for me to inhabit. I’d rather roll the dice and *audio breaks up*.

Do you ever get confused with *another person with the same name as guest*?

I mean, he sounds like he has quite a fun life. I don’t know how long I could sustain it for, but I wouldn’t mind posing as a botanist who goes all around the world. I reckon, if I have to be an alternative Mark Watson, that sounds like not a bad sell. Yeah.

Over the last few months, I’ve watched every episode of How I Met Your Mother. What is the most degrading thing you’ve done to yourself for no apparent reason?

I haven’t watched it, but I like that because there are so many shows that I’m behind but if somebody tells me that one of them is not worth bothering with I’m delighted to hear it. How I Met Your Mother  is in quite a substantial territory of shows that I feel like I’m not going to catch up with. *MW brings it back around to the original emergency question.* But we’re not including Improvisation, My Dear Mark Watson? *RH asks MW about his appearance on Celebrity Island with Bear Grylls.* That was sort of degrading because I didn’t have any food or drink or a toilet and I was having panic attacks the whole time because there were lightning strikes, but to be honest I don’t think that fits the criteria “for no reason” because I was firstly paid to do that, and secondly did appear on the TV. I think – I’m trying to think of things that I’ve done and I’m sure there are plenty of them which have been degrading but weren’t even rewarding in any way. I think you’d probably say – I mean – for no reason… Most of things are degrading but at least had some sort of financial recompense. But mind you – I suppose with kids there’s a lot of degrading situations, but again you don’t feel its for nothing because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re investing in their, um, future in some way. Actually, in a way I think – this is going back a bit – in school we had to do swimming badges and I had to swim 100 metres to get a certificate and a badge. And, because of the way it used to be done, the other kids would stand at the side of the pool and sort of clap as you went along. And because I was known to be a shit swimmer there was a real atmosphere of like, “Look at this prick swimming 100 metres. We’ve already done it.” And it wasn’t quite for nothing because you’ve got a badge to sew on to your swimming trunks but when I think about how humiliating it was to swim this hundred metres and what the material gain was, which was a badge – and even when you got the badge in assembly everyone looked at each other like, “Remember when he swam 100 metres. What a dick. It took him three weeks.” So I think probably… I ended up – I left school with about six or seven swimming badges and each of those was earned at the cost of significant personal degradation. And none of them gave me any respect. So maybe it’s that. It’s not really a reward, is it? It’s not like swimming has helped me in adult life. Even the hundred metre badge I’ve not work out in public for some years now, because its surprising how little people respect that.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I’m a fan of L. S. Lowry. Um – I think, and theres a Lowry museum in Salford, obviously, where the theatre is there. It’s got dozens of Lowry paintings in, all of which I – I don’t know quite why but it really, um… I find something very moving in these, um, these panoramas of hundreds of, um, tiny figures scurrying off to work or there’s a football one – Going to the Match, it’s called. So I’m pretty sure I’d knick a Lowry. It’s not knicking, is it? Right. There’s a painting called Going to the Match, which is by L. S. Lowry, which is just thousands of people flocking from, um, you know, the mine or the mill to this stadium. And they’re back in, I suppose, the ’30’s. To me it speaks about something to do with what I love about football, which is the way it unites a community or something. And I assume the original of that is in the Lowry museum in Salford, Manchester. If I could have that – and bearing in mind the impunity – I’d be all over that. But if not that one, just almost any Lowry, basically. I’d have one of those away. Yeah. Each one of them is just a real object lesson in kind of, like, conveying a – I mean, I’m sure everyone watching knows Lowry. This kind of, um, matchstick man. […] So I think if I could have a huge early Lowry that would be really nice, yeah.

I kind of fantasize about a world where everyone else is gone off in a spaceship; they’ve left me behind on purpose because they don’t like me. I don’t mind that. And the whole of the world is yours, which building would you live in if you had the access? If everyone else had gone and you were living alone, is there a building you would like to live in?

That’s harder. I’m now just thinking, I’m still reliving the original question [the art gallery/museum selection emergency question] and thinking should I have gone for an original manuscript or something that’s in a museum that’s worth… If you could live in any building you’d probably go… Can you have a theme park or something? *RH confirms that is possible. RH goes on to suggest his own ideal living situation under such circumstances would be the top floor of St Pancras railway station hotel.* Actually, I think your own answer is almost perfect. If you could live there you’d be so well set up. And everyone else is gone as well so no queues.

What’s your favourite type of dinosaur? Would you like one as a pet? What would be the potential drawbacks?

I suppose I’d go for the pterodactyl because a flying dinosaur is pretty cool, isn’t it?

What’s the worst thing that has become entangled in your hair?

Sperm I think, but no more questions on that. *RH asks whether it was MW’s own sperm.* No more questions on that.

Notes

This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.

This is MW’s second appearance.

RH notes that the poor sound quality is due to an error on MW’s side.

RH notes that RHLSTP achieved second place in the Comedy Podcast World Cup.