Title: Hi-Viz Jacket
Original Record Date: June 3, 2020
acast Publication Date: July 29, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: July 29, 2020
Please Welcome a Man
Who has not prepared an introduction to himself ’cause that’s insane; he’s already here.
Richard Herring’s Let’s Start Teaching Podcast
I was hanging out with the crew of HMS Vigilant, the nuclear submarine, this week.
Guest Best Known
For her appearance on ITV2’s The Great Christmas Rant.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A
Member Member Note N/A N/A
If you could travel back to medieval times, what single object would you take with you that would guarantee that you would be made queen/worshiped as a god?
Oooh. I would take – you know one of those micro pigs? Like the teacup pigs? I would take a tiny, little pig and just watch the, like, chaos unfold as this pig grew to be, like, the size of the city. And they’d be, like, Who is this woman with this magic, ever-growing pig? And then I would leave again and they wouldn’t know what. There’s be a day named after me and it would be Pig Day. And it would be the day a majestic, once-blonde, now slightly stripey-haired woman arrived and brought bacon to the land.
Is honesty the best policy? If not, what is the best policy?
Tact is the best policy. Because I think honesty is fine but sometimes honesty can be delivered in a way that’s very hurtful. So like, I feel like especially a woman, if I’m like, “Oh, I’ve had my hair cut and I think it looks shit. Do you agree?” And, like, you know that it looks shit, but what you want them to say is, “It doesn’t look that bad,” or whatever to soften the blow. And someone’s like, “Yeah, you look like a moose.” It’s like, well no, you didn’t have to say that, did you? Like, you could have been tactful. so I think tact is the best. I think I’m quite tactful. You have to be honest but in a way that’s not, like, soul-destroyingly hurtful. Like, that would be nice.
What was the last thing you laminated?
I was laminating pictures of fruit, which was good. Enjoyed that. I think my favourite to watch was the banana because, like, it was sort of being stretched coming out. *RH questions whether a picture of a banana needs be placed next to bananas in a supermarket.* We are Northern. We do need help sometimes. Genuinely, I feel like such a stereotype. When I went on the checkout, obviously when you’ve got loose vegetables there’s no bar code so you search for it on the till. And what I have learned is I don’t know what a lot of vegetables are, Richard. If you get served by me everything’s coming through as a carrot.
Would you rather date a man who was a 6-foot tall penis with a face like Mark Reckless or a man who instead of having a penis had a tiny man growing out of there?
Tiny man. Tiny man. Well, I’m only five foot three so, like, I wouldn’t want to walk around with a willie that’s bigger than me. No. No way. That’d be intimidating. And whereabouts on the willie would my head be? *RH notes that LP’s head would be just below the helmet.* Exactly, I’d be right in the middle of both bits. No, that’s a world of smells, isn’t it? No, nope. It’d be the little tiny man.
What do you think happens to you when you die?
Well, weirdly, because I thought I’d seen a ghost, but I also don’t believe in anything after. Yeah. It’s a big old snooze. I used to love though listening to – We’ve got this radio station up here called Metro Radio and, like, I don’t know if there’s any Geordie people watching or listening but you’ll know Alan Robson, who is, like, a local deejay, radio presenter up here. And he presented this show called Night Owls, and he did a load of, like, ghost hunts as well. And I used to listen to this show, like religiously when I was a kid. And he would do regressions. You know, when you take people back and I got obsessed with listening to that and wondering, like, what my former life would have been or who I was in a previous life. But I don’t think – Either I’ve not been anyone in a previous life or I was someone so fucking boring that I haven’t recalled any of those memories.
This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.
This is LP’s second appearance.
Intro and outro credits on the Youtube version give guest’s name as Lauren Patterson.
Laminating emergency question was framed as being the best thing LP had laminated.