Title: White Chicks Dance Off

acast Time: 1:13:56
Youtube Time: 1:13:20

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: August 5, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: August 5, 2020

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s been imagining drones in a field.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Loopy Snooker Thorne Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with Daniel Rashford earlier today. I love old football, me. Kicking stuff around with the footballs. Old Daniel Rashford; he’s one of the good players, isn’t he? I love him. He calls it…

Guest Best Known
For her appearance on The Chase. Not The Chase: Celebrity, whatever that one is called. The actual Chase. She was on the proper one.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

Would you consider to be cheating to sleep with a gender-reverse version of yourself?

I’ve seen the male version of me. I’ve put this thing on before and, like you, I’m fit. I saw – I didn’t expect it. You know, I think I was expecting just sort of this *refers to her own face* with a beard or something. But it’s not. Like, my jawline was different. I was absolutely gorgeous. And the first thing I said to my boyfriend, I just showed him and said, “If he existed, I would bang him. I would bang him.” And I’d be honest about it; I’d be very open about it and I think, frankly, if he didn’t understand that’s more a reflection on him than on me. because I was really, really fit. Really fit.

Who’s the most surprising famous person you’ve been in a lift with? And which I mean, you can’t have gotten into the lift with them; they had to be in the lift you were in.

It’s a really bad one. Like, it… It’s Nigel Farage. Yeah. Um, I’m so angry that that’s my one. Like… *Feigns vomiting.* Can I just have it on the record that it was not out of choice? Yeah, I was in the lift with Tom Lucy. It was at the Global Studios and we were going up to do out podcast. And he – he’s just quit, hasn’t he? But he used to do his LBC chat show. And he was getting off at floor three and we were staying on to four. And I could tell Tom had noticed him and Tom was laughing. And I was sort of doing this * shakes head*, you know, going, “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare.” And Tom – I don’t know if you know Tom Lucy, but he’s one of those who cant resist making a situation awkward if there’s an opportunity to. And so just as Nigel got out Tom went, “Well, if there’s anyone who knows how to leave, you will.” You know when you’re trying to push the doors together on the lift? I was just pressing the shut button really, really quickly. Oh, awful.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

Oh, that’s a good one. Um, I think… I went to the university – Uh, the Museum of New Zealand in Wellington and that was amazing. It’s, like, seven different floors and each floor is, like, a new era in New Zealand’s history, and the further up you go the further back in the history. So, it’s literally like going back in time. And there was a whole floor dedicated to the Maori culture. And they had this huge boat that they would go down on the ravines on and it was massive and it had all the, like, sort of scary-looking figures on it. It was amazing and it could probably fit, like, forty people on it. And it was hand-made, hand-carved and painted with specific paint referring to which tribe and everything. So it was really special. It was really specific. But also, like, just really bad-ass. I’d rather have that than a car. Do you know what I mean? I’d have that and then I’d tweet, “I’m sailing to school in my Maori boat like the pro sailor I am”.

What is the most inexplicable thing you have seen in the sky?

I think the most alarming thing, I was once walking the dog – this would have been when I was about fourteen, because it was when Raoul Moat was on the run. And he was still – everyone was saying, “Keep your eyes out for Raoul Moat. He’s dangerous.” And I was walking the dog and I saw a helicopter fly over. And a helicopter didn’t fly over where we lived very often. And so I naturally jumped to the conclusion that Raoul Moat was in the woods where I was walking the dog and that helicopter was looking for him. So I stayed with the dog next to this tree trunk for, like, half an hour. And I was rining my dad. I must have been about fourteen because I was on my first-ever mobile phone. And I was ringing him being, like, “Dad, have they found Raoul Moat yet?” And he was like, “What? What are you on about?” “Have they found Raoul Moat yet?” And he was like, “No, why?” I was like, “Because there’s a helicopter above us and I think they might be looking for Raoul Moat.” And my dad’s quite a typical Yorkshireman. He was like, “You’re bloody stupid. Get home right now.” So I was like, “Oh, okay.”

Have you ever seen a ghost?

No. No way. No way. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  Don’t believe in them. I don’t believe in them and I don’t want to believe in them. So I feel like even if I saw what I thought in the back of my head was a ghost, I wouldn’t allow myself to believe it. I’d tell myself over and over and over that there’s a logical explanation for it. I can’t stand the idea of one existing. The whole thing terrifies me. That whole hauntedness stuff. Can’t. […] When we were in Adelaide there’s a big sort of group chat for all the comedians and one of them was like, “Oh, tonight do you want to go around this dilapidated mental asylum? It’s meant to be haunted.” I thought, Absolutely not. I’m going to go to the pub; that’s what I’m going to do. No, I can’t stand it.

What is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you when you’ve been kissing?

Oh, um. So, the worst kiss ever, of my life – I don’t know if it’s the worst thing to happen, it’s just the worst kiss of my life. And it was on the dance floor of a night club again. And his tongue must have been genuinely a sort of newt or a salamander, because it was so thin. And he just shot it to the back. I was about seventeen years-old and his actual technique must have just been like *sticks tongue out and lunges forward* straight. And it was, like, right at the back. It was horrid. To the point where I gipped. And I pulled away because I was going *imitates vomiting* like that. And it was, yeah. I mean, it probably wasn’t helped by the fact that I’d been drinking a lot that night so anything going there was probably going to aggravate it. But it was awful. Really, really bad, to the point where he tried to add me on Facebook the next morning and I saw his profile picture and just thought, That’s the bloke with the long tongue. Absolutely not. Declined. *RH wonders whose responsibility it is to tell terrible kissers about their failings.* And then you start thinking, Well, they clearly don’t know that. But I’ve never had any complaints, so I could be – I could be that person to somebody else. Maybe somewhere else there’s somebody going, “Oh, I snogged this girl and she didn’t put enough tongue in.” I don’t know. I don’t know. Nobody actually – I mean, sometimes I’m sure that people have been told that they’re a good kisser, but nobody… very few people have been told that they’re bad. Yeah, I’ve never told someone they’re bad.

Notes

This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.

A fan has recently used the gender swap FaceApp on a photo of RH, prompting RH to wonder whether it’s cheating on your partner if you have sex with your FaceApp gender swap counterpart.