Title: Garlic and Vodka

acast Time: 1:13:09
Youtube Time: 1:12:29

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: August 25, 2020
Youtube Publication Date: August 25, 2020

Please Welcome a Man
Who’s back in the big time.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s Lockdown Slowly Terminating Podcast

Cool Kids
I was hanging around with all the people on Twitter making the Rishi Sunak joke about Eat Out to Help Out. And all of them were doing the same joke. It was brilliant. And all of the people who do that…

Guest Best Known
For her role as the Cloakroom Attendant in Get Real.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

I’ve got eight bowls. Should I put the chipped ones at the bottom at the back? There are two rows of four, basically. Or should I – What would you do? Would you put the chipped ones at the back and only use them when you had to or would you put them at the front and use them more because if they get chipped again it won’t matter if they get broken it won’t matter as much? What would you do?

I feel if you’re making yourself use the chipped bowls it’s like you’re punishing yourself. If I were a therapist I’d go, “Why do you think you don’t deserve a nice bowl, Richard?” So I would – Yeah, I would put the chipped ones right at the back. Or also, because I like gardening, if I chip something, great, or a mug. I take it into the garden and smash it up and that’s my – you know, put it in for my pots as drainage. […] Are they expensive bowls? See, I don’t have expensive bowls. Fuck ’em. Yeah. Give yourself a nice bowl. But have the other ones just in case because all of a sudden you’ll go, “Oh, now I’ve only got three of those bowls. Jo Caulfield said to chuck out the chipped ones.”

How do you decide when it’s time to retire a pair of pants?

There’s something happened where you haven’t been… I’m so passed that now. I’m so all about spoiling myself. Yeah. So no, throw the old pants away. I used to be like that. It’s very freeing, to just do that.

In the lockdown I realized I’ve only put on proper trousers, well, now twice. But the first time I put on, like, and when I say proper trousers I mean jeans. I’ve been wearing swimming trunks, jogging bottoms, cycling shorts – I’m wearing today. Anything but, like, proper trousers. Have you been dressing yourself properly during lockdown? Or have you been like me, and I only put on proper trousers last weekend because we had guests come around, and I didn’t know them quite well enough to be just wearing my grey jogging bottoms.

Well, the think that happened of course in Scotland,  which was so weird. As soon as we got lockdown, so people couldn’t come to Scotland, the weather turned and we had two months of dry, sunny days every day. Amazing. So, yeah. So I was wearing, like, summer clothes. So I was wearing dresses and shorts and enjoying that I could wear summer clothes, which you don’t often get to do in Scotland. So in that way, yes I was dressing. And I still – no, I’m not really a great one for… because I’m, yeah, I like my clothes.

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I know what I would want but I also know something I saw recently randomly. I would like a Bridget Riley painting. Um, but the thing I went to see, because I’d gone to see her exhibition, and then I’d gone just by chance, because I really like the South Bank, so if I’m gigging in London for the weekend I’ll suddenly go, “Oh, let’s go and see something randomly at the Tate Modern.” And it was a guy – I think he’s called Nam June Paik – and I really liked him. Apparently – you know when you just go, “I’ll just go to see what it is. Oh, it’s crazy. I love it.” And he thought up the phrase “information superhighway”. So he was, in the ’60s and ’70s, and thought that CCTV and all of this filming everybody – a bit like Warhol – would bring the world closer together and that it was a wonderful thing. And he did that thing or having high art and low art and just everyday stuff. And he had television gardens, and that’s what I would like. It was, like, all plants and TV’s showing all different ads or somebody playing classical music. And he had a friend and she always played the cello topless or just completely nude. Then she got a glass cello, so she could play but her boobs were in the cello. You know. And it was all just that lovely – You know when you go, “I don’t know if this is art. You could just be mad as a hatter.” Or just where you go, “Really, you can fool anybody.” Just, like, throwing shit together. But I thoroughly loved it. I also like that confusion of, “I don’t know if this is art or not.” It seems like I could have done this, you know, and he had pianos where he took all the – what do you call it? – the hammers that make the noise and he thought that was hilarious and filmed people playing it without it making noise but it “means” something. It doesn’t mean anything; it’s just really funny.

Notes

This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.

RH demonstrates ventriloquism skills using Ally, the puppet made by his grandfather and used by Stewart Lee to masturbate RH.

RH will turn 53 the week of recording this episode.