Title: Sex Whisk

acast Time: 1:13:24
Youtube Time: 1:13:18

Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: March 3, 2021
Youtube Publication Date: March 3, 2021

Please Welcome a Man
Who keeps forgetting that he has to do this keep – uh – introducing himself thing and doesn’t come up with anything.

Acronym Modification
Richard Herring’s LipSmacking, Thirst quenching, ace tasting, motivating, good buzzing, cool talking, high walking, fast living, ever giving, cool fizzing Podcast

Cool Kids
I was talking to the people who marketed Pepsi in the 1970’s.

Guest Best Known
For being a producer of Rock and Roll’s Greatest Failure: Otway the Movie.

Audience

Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
Like or Unlike Wikipedia: N/A

Member Member Note
N/A N/A

Emergency Questions

If you could take one item from any museum or art gallery – and you’re allowed to take it home with you – in the world, what would you take?

I mean, the one that pings into my head, and it just pinged in, is the Tring Tiles, because they’re fucking hilarious. Do you know the Tring Tiles? Oh, they’re beautiful. If you go – If you walk into the British Museum and you go up around the corner and up around again, they’re on the wall behind the thing. What they are, they’re medieval tiles from Tring and they show Jesus Christ: The Teenage Years. It’s so good. It’s, like, Jesus getting angry with people and killing them and then bringing them back to life. It’s wonderful. And it’s like, there’s a set of one, two, three, four, five, six – about eight or nine of them. And they’re just, aw, they’re so funny. So good. So I would love those in my kitchen. But because it’s medieval as well they’re really picturesque. So when they kill somebody they don’t just have them sort of, like, lying dead or going argh, like this *pulls a tortured face*. Because it’s medieval, they have them flipped upside-down. So, like, he killed them by pile-driving them into the ground. Just, like, magic.

If you could travel back to any historical period – not just your finger, all of you – A) Where would go if you could go back one time to one historical place in time, where would you go?

I’d be really interested to see Nassau in, like, 1717 or 1716 or something. See the pirates and that sort of thing. I’d be very interested to see how much of a decrepit sort of, like, cesspool of vice it really was. Because basically what happened is the British just – The Spanish succession, because of King Charles and his big fat tongue couldn’t have babies. He could eat food so, you know, having babies was a bit beyond him, bless him. His family tree was literally, “Here’s Mummy, here’s Daddy, and there’s Mummy and Daddy.” It’s, like, literally a stump. Bless him. Anyway, he died without leaving a king and all the British and all the French and all the Spanish had a big argument about who would succeed him and there was a big war and they basically sent a load of British people down to the Caribbean and stuff. And then they just left them there when the war ended. So they were all down there to help fight and they said, “Okay, the war’s over. Bye.” And all the guys went, “What? What?” And they took away their licence to attack Spanish ships, which is what they’d been doing. They were basically being pirates for the British, going, “We’re attacking Spanish ships because that’s what you want because this is a war.” And then suddenly we’re off and they leave all these dudes just going, “I have no money, I have no land, I have, unfortunately, no slaves. What the hell do I do? I’ll be a pirate. And I would really love to see Blackbeard and all that sort of… It really captures your imagination. And yeah, was Charles Vane – was he really as horrible as they say. And yeah, no, I like pirates, so, probably pirates.

If you could travel in time and have sex with any historical figure, who would you have sex with?

Cleopatra VII, why not? That’s the “Coming At You” Cleopatra. She’s quite fun. She had sex with a lot – I imagine she’d be quite good at the sex. I’d also like to see – I’d like to be – I wouldn’t like to have sex with her, but I’d like to see what Julius Caesar looked like when he first invaded Alexandria when she was a teenager. Because she fancied the pants off him and he was in his fifties. But he was in his fifties and managed to swim the entire length of the port – the sort of, like, harbour bit – while the Egyptians were firing arrows into the water. And he was the only guy who did it. Which sounds like the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. He literally took his cloak off, all his mates were dying around him, there were ships burning, and he just dives in and goes in and you’re just, like, guy is fifty doing that. Yeah. Fuck yeah. That’s pretty good. Um, so, I would like to see that. I wouldn’t like to have sex with either of them, but that would be a good moment to sort of go back. *RH states that IL must have sex in this scenario.* Well, I’d probably prefer to, you know, obviously go with a lady for the reason that I don’t particularly – I want to avoid as many sexually transmitted diseases as possible. For that reason obviously we’re going to have to go back… No, actually, I think… One of my heroes – little-known heroes – is a woman called Margaret Murray, who lived, um – She basically spent her time – Tiny, little lady so, you know, little fingers. Nice. And she, uh – Good for that reason. But also she spent her days, when she was young, unwrapping mummies, which was what they did in, like, the late 19th century. Unwrapping mummies, going, “Hey guys, look, it’s a mummy. Ooh, it’s stinky.” Because they had so many Egyptian mummies that they knicked and find out as much as you can. And later on she started to decipher all the hieroglyphs and she worked out all the spells. And then she went a bit, bit into the spells. A little bit. And she sort of said things like, “I can do the spells.” And then she sort of said, “I won World War I because I got the thing where the Kaiser got sick and that was me. That was me. I did the spell.” And everybody went, “Oh my God, she’s mad.” And then but she was also helping every single great Egyptologist who then made their names in the twenties and thirties. She was working in UCL and then she was, like, known as the Witch of UCL. Anyway, she was banging.

Notes

This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.

Twitch background: Cross-eyed cat

RH states that he’s recently been in the hospital for a “mystery, testicle-based illness”.

RH states that IL has the best video quality of any online guest thus far.

RH frames the museum/gallery emergency question as being an item specifically from the British Museum.