Title: Cornered by Coyotes
Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: March 17, 2021
Youtube Publication Date: March 17, 2021
Please Welcome a Man
Who’s 12 hours away from an operation.
Richard Herring’s LiveStream Transatlantic Podcast
I was hanging around all the players in the Self-Playing Snooker Federation on Monday.
Guest Best Known
For her appearance as an Oompa-Loompa in a community theatre production of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
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Member Member Note
Have you ever seen a ghost?
Um, yeah. I was performing at an old theatre in Santa Monica and I saw a woman in the audience whose eyes were glowing and her hair was like this *makes hand motions indicating hair standing out*. And it was distracting me because I kept going, What’s wrong with that woman? And then I looked back and she wasn’t there.
Have you ever seen a bigfoot?
No, but I did – just the other day – walk into a… I don’t know what they’re called. A den, a pack of coyotes. Yeah. It was… I’d like to tell you about it, if you’re interested. So, I did a COVID move. You know, I have the failed marriage, work was slowing down, I sold my house. I moved out – out of state, which really is just way outside of Los Angeles near some nature; some desert nature. Lifted myself up: This is great. I made the right decision. I take this beautiful little hike. Super naturey but still really close. It’s not, you know, remote, but you make a little turn off of the main path; it’s about a mile. I have gone with my neighbour, who – we’ve seen one coyote before. And I’ve seen two on the mountain, really far away. And he – my neighbour – brings a whistle, mace, he’s got an air gun, which he’s never really used, a flashlight. I’m going out there sans any of that. And I’m by myself. I’m not with my neighbour. My dog, I’ve got him off-leash. He’s a golden retriever mix, because he’s got to feel himself. You know, he chases a rabbit, comes back. He’s responsive; I know he’s going to come back. Goes out, doesn’t come back. I look up – I see one coyote. I’m screaming for my dog, “Leo! Leo! Leo! Come back!” Doesn’t come back. As soon as I see that coyote I just take off. And just start screaming and running towards it because now they’re just going to lure him in and he’s going to keep going. I can’t see him. I’m like, “Leo!” I run in there and I get to a ravine. I stop to catch my breath. Nothing. Dead silent. No dog. I’m like, This is not good. There’s, like, a stand-off going. Finally he pops back up, my dog. I see the one coyote. He jumps out, but like in a movie I can see him but I haven’t leashed him yet. “Leo, come here!” I turn to my left – four coyote heads staring. I mean, this is bigger than bigfoot, right? I get the dog; I do get him on-leash. And I’m just – I lost my mind. I’m just like, “Get out of here!” I have no mace; I’m just, like, yelling and flailing. Turn around and I’ve run so fast, so far that I’m like, Fuck, I’ve got to find the path. I’m like, Alright, you’ve got your dog. Just go towards a path. Get to the path, there’s another one. Another one popping out of the brush but, like, standing on a road. And again I just, “Get out of here!” Like, yell. And they get scared but then they come back, you know? They’re not that scared. And then I walk out – this is the creepiest part. This is like a baby ghost crying in the night. I walk out; they start talking to each other. They’re like, “Yip, yip, yip, yip!” Like, “Shit’s going down!” They’re talking about me and my dog, you know. I’m like, *makes face of concern.* I FaceTimed my mom. That’s what I did. said, “Mom, can you hear that? We just – I beat off a den of coyotes.” […] And then my dog, afterwards, he, like, he’s agitated, but by the time we get to the end it’s like he forgot about it. Like, can you just be there with me? Can you share my reality and understand what we’ve been through together? He doesn’t even acknowledge. Can you believe? Just another disappointing relationship, my dog. Acting like it didn’t happen.
Would you rather date a man who was a 6-foot tall penis with a face like Mark Reckless or a man who instead of having a penis had a tiny man growing out of there?
Wow, that’s a great question. Does the tiny man have a penis? *RH advises that he might have another smaller man.* Wow, that’s tripped out. It seems like the large penis would be more basic and kind of exciting just to wonder at it. But I, uh, my mind is having fun jumping from one to the other, back and forth, so thank you for that. I’m going to go – It is a difficult choice and a great question – the man in the place of the penis. *RH begins to note the downsides of the 6-foot tall penis.* Intimidating. Maybe I’m the perfect girlfriend for him because I just said “That’s intimidating. Like, I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I’d just be, like, “Aren’t you scared? Look at my date. He’s a giant penis. Are you intimidated?”
This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.
This episode was recorded the day before RH had an operation to remove a testicle.
Twitch background: Golf balls
RH reveals that in order to get a better idea about who he was, MLR watched an episode of Me 1 vs. Me 2.
RH notes that he was offered a prosthetic testicle to replace the one that was removed, but he declined.