Title: Playdough Tumour
Original Record Date: Unknown
acast Publication Date: May 19, 2021
Youtube Publication Date: May 19, 2021
Please Welcome a Man
Who’s being haunted by a giant, inflatable Boris Johnson.
Richard Herring’s Large, Stinky Tumour Podcast
I was talking to Jeff Upton from New Zealand, whose been going around – I’m not cock-obsessed and ball-obsessed – but he’s been going around drawing (I am both of those things) penises and balls on holes in the road in order to encourage the New Zeland government to mend the potholes. They’ve tried to arrest him, I think for his diligent work, but he’s my hero.
Guest Best Known
From her appearance on Word of the Year 2017. Though according to IMDB they were also the production assistant of Late Night with David Letterman in 1990, although that would have made them 3 years-old.
Better or Worse than Last Week: N/A
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Member Member Note
Would you rather have a sense of smell that could travel in time (i.e., you could smell any environment from the past or future, but not something specific; you would – your sense of smell would travel in time, but nothing else would) or have a free pineapple delivered to your door every day for the rest of your life (and that will be delivered at 7:00am wherever you are in the world and the people won’t wake you up; it will just be left outside your door), but there will be a fresh pineapple waiting for you wherever you are?
I mean, to me there’s no question. I would want the smell thing. The pineapples would so quickly become a burden. It would be, like, the novelty would wear off so fast and you’d start to despise them. I mean, I’m not a huge fan of them anyway. I’m allergic to kiwis and I kind of lump pineapples into that family and they sort of make me feel a bit itchy, in a way. *Conversation wanders to the topic of eating peaches.* Well, the past is all going to smell one way, isn’t it? It’s all going to smell bad, like… I mean, I did one of those ghost tours in Edinburgh once and they were just talking about how they would just throw buckets of waste out of the window into the streets and it just would have been this pestilent cesspit of… Yeah, would not like that. And, yeah, but I’d really like to smell the future. Really, I would love that. Yeah, you’d feel if the city was burning or something. What else? You could – yeah, space, apparently outer space smells like metal and steak. Like cooking beef and steel; that’s what outer space smells like apparently. […] But maybe, so – Can I smell – if I’m smelling into the future – can I do interstellar smelling? Like, can I be smelling other worlds? Oh God, I would love that. I really, I bought a VR – virtual reality – headset and all I want is the outer space ones. And there’s one where you can kind of zoom through the galaxy and I’m just… In our lifetime I really hope we see commercial space travel, although I’m sure that’s a horrible thing to say. It’s probably so bad for the environment and all that, but I want to get out there.
Would you rather be Prince William or Prince Harry?
Ooh. Oh man, that’s hard. Yeah. I think I’d go – I mean, I just want a simple life so I think I’d pick William, actually because I think he’s got, um, you know, lovely little kids and he’s, uh, you know, he’s not sticking his head above the parapet too much. Yeah, I think – I just wouldn’t want the stress being Harry. I think I’d go William. *RH gives reasons for choosing Prince Harry in this scenario.* No, I understand. So yeah, maybe you’re right. Now I’m changing my answer, actually. I’m going for Harry because I want that freedom now and I want to meet Oprah and I want to – Yeah, he does seem… Yeah, you’re right, you’re right.
Would you rather be the most beautiful person in the world or the cleverest person in the world. If you choose cleverness, your current attractiveness would decrease 25%. If you choose beauty you will become 25% less intelligent.
Ooh. Uh, well I’m going to have to go with intelligent, but I’m not, I’m not thrilled about it. I’m pretty, um… But I’m not vain in that I think I’m attractive. I’m sort of self-loathing and stuff, but I do obsess over how I look. Like, my hair is never right and I’m just… So it would force me to really – But maybe the extra intelligence would make me not value beauty at all. You know? *RH notes the advantages stereotypically gorgeous people receive.* Those angular Angelina Jolie-type faces, where you just think, it’s almost alien. And you’re right; you get “fit privilege,” don’t you? You’re right. It must be a curse in a way; to be insanely good-looking because you’d have such a warped sense of your own, kind of, worth because people would just bend over backwards to, like… *RH describes some of the downfalls of being extremely intelligent.* Yeah, definitely. And it’s not really… Yeah, that kind of hyperintelligence like that, I don’t think it’s that compatible with happiness, I think. The more you dig around, you’d get so overwhelmed and yeah… My brother was talking about if there are aliens that are intelligent enough to travel interstellarly then there’s absolutely no guarantee that they have any empathy or compassion because they would, yeah… So that’s interesting. Yeah, like, I respect ants but I wouldn’t try to have a chat with one and I wouldn’t think twice about stepping on one. If we’re like ants…
This episode was live-streamed via Twitch, with RH and guest in each of their own homes due to COVID-19/coronavirus.
RH reveals the dimensions of his recently-removed tumour: 6 cm x 4.5 cm x 2 cm. RH demonstrates the size with a playdough model.